I am Old

I am officially old.

Yes, I am.

Okay, maybe not old, but definitely a complete and total, no denying it, grown up.  I just turned 35 -  halfway through my 30's.  40 will be here to smack me in the face before I can say "Stop kicking your sister under the table" 1,825 more times, or something like that.  Time goes so fast!

Not so long ago, I was a cute little baby. It's taken me years to agree that I was cute and not some mutant with quadruple cheeks.  They were big.  But, I guess that's okay.

Before I knew it, I was 5 years old. Those early years really flew by for me.  Then things slowed down a little, but, Wammo!, Junior High was just around the corner.  And just when I was getting the hang of things, we moved to Russia.

Fast forward past three amazing years of  homeschool  High School and a little maturing and I descended upon the college scene like, well like an American teenager who was starved for cute guys who spoke English.  I had a goal of 3 dates per week.  So, naturally, with that important mindset,I quickly found an eternal companion.  We wed.

Then, we bred.

And here I am 35 years old, married for 15+ years, mother to 6 children.  I have a 14 year old child.  I was 14 when I moved to Russia.  It doesn't feel like that long ago.  Time felt so sluggishly slow when I was a child, like I could actually touch it while it dripped along, bit by insanely slow bit.

And now. .  I can't seem to get life to slow down.  And before I realized what happened, I've left my young life behind. Many of my friends, older than me, laugh at the concept of 35 being old.  I know that it isn't really old.  But, it isn't really young anymore either.  It's time to be a grownup.

It's time to admit my greatest weaknesses and to overcome them.  I'm not going to admit them to you, but I'm admitting them to me, and to God, and I'm going to change. Because, before I know it, I'll be 60, then 70, then, one day, I'm going to pass on from this life.

It's also time to embrace my talents and consciously develop them further.  While I was recovering from surgery and had a lot of spare time, my parents had me do some projects.  I painted flowers on rocks.  I painted a soccer ball.  I painted a bird house.  We sewed.  I realized that I have not been developing some abilities that mean a lot to me.  And I'm not getting any younger!  I shouldn't let my time be spent only helping my children with their many activities, but I should also set aside a little time for me to continue growing.

I want to improve my sewing ability, my art abilities, my music abilities. I want to do things I've never done, but always wanted to do. I want to do things I haven't done enough. I want to go on hikes.  I want to do amazing things with my garden.  I want to explore art.  I want to write about things that matter and reach a wiser audience than my facebook friends.  I want to play difficult piano pieces flawlessly.  I want to teach, not for money, I just want to teach.  And I want to be in a play, a real play, not just starring as the devil in the ward roadshow 21 years ago. That doesn't count.

This might be my little version of a midlife crisis.  I'm just really starting to understand the fragile nature of mortal life.  I don't want to have regrets.  In some ways I have been in limbo for 2 1/2 years, my life on hold while I deal with my strange mouth problems.  Next Friday I will have surgery to hopefully fix another problem I've been dealing with since Timothy's birth.  Then, I'm going to start doing these things.  My midlife crisis is going to be one of self-improvement, not selfishly, but balanced with my most important roles of mother and wife.  Let the crisis begin!  I'm feeling old and times a wastin'!

p.s.  I also want to know who actually reads this blog.  Please feel free to comment.  I adore comments!