No Soliciting

7 months ago, while recovering from my totally awesome jaw surgery, my parents got me a bunch of artsy crafty things to do at their house.  They were fantastic things to do that felt productive and helped me pass the time of being extremely agitated and uncomfortable.

One of those projects was a "No Soliciting". My mouth didn't work, but I could text, so I texted a friend who cuts vinyl and asked her to cut out the words.  I got a board and painted it black.  It took her a while to cut the vinyl, and I wasn't nagging her. Then, when she gave it to me, I promptly misplaced it. It turns out it was in a file folder.  Um. Okay.  I'm sure that was a good idea for some reason.

I went and located the board, which I happened to know was lodged behind my dresser.  Why?  Well.  It fell back there, and I left it there.  Why?  I'm a pig, okay?

So, my daugther noticed this sign, which I am working on getting ready to affix to the outside of my house.

"What is soliciting?", she asked.

"It's when people come to your house and try to sell you stuff."  I answered.

Judd piped up,"It's too bad that we can't keep a big bag of flour by the front door and just grab a handful and, poof!, throw it in the face of every solicitor!"

Gee, that really is too bad. That would be fun.

Anyway, it got me thinking.  And what I'm thinking is that this thought is fodder for a great internet brainstorming session... .

But, I need you to participate.

What would you like to do to solicitors?  What's the worst thing you have actually said or done to a solictor?

Come on, spill.

I'll start.

1. What I'd really like to do:  Oh. the possibilities are endless.  My daughter is in Saturday's Warrior right now. At one point the missionaries in the play are trying to find people to teach. They approach someone and say they have a wonderful news for her. She replies, "No! I've got great news for you! Did you know you can save 15% on your car insurance by switching to Geico?!"

So, I think it would be really fun to turn it around to every solicitor.  I could say, " I don't have any need for what you are selling, but have I got a deal for YOU!  How would you like to buy some of these neat little drawings my daughter produces?  Or, maybe you need a broken oven?  I've got one right here in my garage.  What?  You say you can't afford it. Don't worry.  We offer free financing. 90 days same as cash. What's that?  I can't hear you. Where are you going?  Oh, well., maybe the next solicitor will want to buy something."

2. What is the worst thing I've actually done.  I think the worst behavior I've ever had with a solicitor was when the cleaning product people came around, for the 6th time in  years.  I told my husband to go deal with them.  He let them bully him into calling me to the door. I said no, but he insisted.  I was equally angry with him as I was with the solicitor.  I came to the top of the stairs and just let loose yelling.

"I know your product is fabulous!  And I don't care!!!  I'm not buying it!  I don't want it!  I make my own cleaners and I could eat them if I wanted to!  I don't care how good it is or what you have to say! No! You are wasting my time and I am wasting your time! "

I can't remember what else I yelled in my tirade, but after some feeble attempts at a response, the guy closed the door as he ran away!  Woo hoo!

Okay, normally, I would feel guilty. But, those people are so aggressive, and I'm so tired of them wasting my time and trying to make me feel bad. I can't get my new sign up fast enough!

Now, it's your turn.
1. What would you like to do to solicitors?
2. What's the worst thing you actually have done/said to a solicitor?

Go!