I do not think that word means what you think that word means

Do you know what is annoying?  I mean besides me making a quilt with over 1,000 pieces and my kids having 4 Christmas concerts on the same night? Having 6 school age kids during December is, well, Deathcember. Anyway, back to the topic.  It's annoying when people use words or phrases incorrectly.
I know, I know, I am supposed to be writing sweet things in December.  And I tried.  I really did try.  But the sweet just didn't do it for me.  I want to talk about something annoying.  This might be because I'm annoyed that people have forgotten that Christmas is about baby Jesus.  So, here's ten words or phrases that I think many people need a little help to remember what they really mean, in no particular order.

1. Christmas.

Christmas is about baby Jesus. He was born on Christmas day. Now, it may have actually been in April, but we celebrate on December 25th.  And people seem to be really confused.  Elves on shelves. Reindeer.  Santa. Lights. Candy, Presents. BUY, BUY, BUY, GIMMEE, GIMMEE. Where's my 300 inch TV and Mega playstation X-Box Wii-U power jet-stream video console?  Okay, I'm just kidding about those first things. I love all the fun traditions, from the pickle ornament to Santa coming down the chimney, but we do need to remember to make sure that we ( all of us who are Christian) teach our little kiddos that Christmas is actually a religious holiday, not only a chance to cash in big time on toys and a sugar coma.

2.  Yoga.

 Some people think yoga means wimpy easy exercise that they could do, but are too cool and strong to do.  Nope.  Yoga is actually pretty hard.  Today I watched a body builder try yoga for the first time, and he actually whimpered during a difficult pose.  So, don't confuse yoga with the little green man from Star Wars. It's not just calm and philosophical.  It's also majorly difficult and strengthening. And really really amazing.

3. Turn Signal

This one really confuses people in Utah. Here in this beautiful desert that has blossomed like a rose, some drivers are less rose-like and more skunk-like. Their driving,well, it stinks.  Some confused drivers think that a turn signal is an obsolete lever. They never use it.  These same drivers, when presented with an active turn signal on another vehicle, lose all rational sense, accelerating their vehicles just enough to prevent the other car from moving lanes. Sometimes they are so mistaken by the meaning of this flashing light that they honk and swerve, like a wild chipmunk protecting it's nuts.


4. All the strange words teenagers use when texting. Enough said.

5.  "Just a sec."

My nine year old keeps saying "Just a sec!" when I tell her to do something or come somewhere. And then, about 25 million seconds later, she complies.  I think, the only logical conclusion here is that, well, she has no idea how long a second lasts.  We're talking about one second. Boom! It's done.  There's another one.  Yep, they go that fast.  Nobody should ever say that.  It's much better to say      "Just a minute" if you don't want to be a liar literally one second after you speak.

6. " I could care less."

Guys, if you want to tell people that something is of no interest to you, don't say, "I could care less."  That means that you do in fact care about the topic, at least a little, and it's possible that you could, at some point in the future, care less than you do already.  You are pretty much inviting people to keep going on an on about the thing that you really "couldn't care less about." When you couldn't care less, you have reached the bottom of not caring, no further movement is required.  Don't invite people to give you a reason to care less than you already do.

7.  Fast Sunday.

I'm serious about this one. I'll never forget the time my little girl told me that she couldn't understand why we call it Fast Sunday when it goes slower than any other Sunday because we are starving!  Okay, now Mormons know what fast Sunday means, or at least, they should.  But, I think a lot of people might be just as confused as my little girl.  Fast Sunday, in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, happens on the first Sunday of the month. We abstain from eating and drinking for two meals and donate the money we would have spent on that food to our church to help others in our congregation and neighborhood when they are in need.  And, honestly, no matter how good you get at denying your body food, it really isn't a "fast" day, but a day to "fast".  Isn't English great?

8. "Stop it."

I know there are children in this world who grasp the concept of this phrase, but they do not live at my house.  In case they do not live at your house either, you could try letting your short people know that the phrase "stop it" is a request/demand to immediately cease the specific and presently ongoing activity that is causing the parental figure to feel the need to demand cessation.  Stop it does not mean "Ignore me and keep playing with matches" or "I'm just kidding. Go ahead and flush a toy car and your underwear down the toilet." It really does mean to stop moving, talking, eating, pushing, pulling, or whatever the heck naughty thing you are doing right now. Just stop it.  Stop it now.

9. Tolerance

If you don't know what that means, we can't be friends anymore.  Just kidding. But, speaking very seriously here, some people have decided that tolerance means agreeing with them.  Tolerance actually means the ability or willingness to tolerate something, such as opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.  I tolerate you people who love watching Sports.  I don't love watching Sports, but I'm also not going to try to burn your house down to stop you or tell you on facebook that I think you are devil worshippers. That would not be tolerant.  I don't agree that sports are fun to watch, but if I want to be tolerant, I can just keep my trap shut when people post stuff that is boring to me, or in person, I could smile and nod and keep my personal feelings to myself.




10. Inconceivable.

The man in Princess Bride didn't understand what this word means.  And, if you don't know what I'm talking about, stop reading this blog. Stop reading this blog RIGHT NOW! And go watch Princess Bride. It's on Netflix.

not capable of being imagined or grasped mentally; unbelievable.

The Storage Unit Christmas

When my husband was almost done with law school, I was pregnant with our third child, due to deliver the week before graduation.  With no job prospects as of yet, we decided to move back to Utah to be near our family.  But, because of my due date, I needed to come back early. So, in March of 2003, I came to Utah with Reuben (4) and Tim (2) and moved into two bedrooms in my parents' basement. Judd drove our belongings out in a U-haul and we put most of our possessions into storage.  He then went back to Baltimore to finish law school.  Two months later he finished classes and flew out to Utah. I went into labor the next day and had the baby ( Amy) and he left a few days later to go back and graduate.  We then settled into living with my generous parents while Judd studied for and took the Bar exam, and then started a private practice.

Fast forward nearly two years to December of 2004.  We decided it was time to go out on our own.  We had very little money.  Starting a business is rocky and it takes a while to earn enough to make ends meet.  But, we found a great basement for rent in Holladay. It was only $650 a month and included the utilities.   It didn't have a dishwasher, we couldn't fit a couch down the stairs or a queen size box springs, and my piano would never navigate that narrow passage;  but the price was right and it was fairly large at 1600 sq feet.  It was perfect for our family!

The only problem was that we were practically penniless.  Putting down a deposit on our apartment and paying to have our piano moved out of storage and into our friends' house took a toll on our bank account.

We couldn't afford Christmas.

But, it didn't matter because we developed a plan, a delightful and slightly devious frugaliscious plan.  Our children had not seen the majority of their toys for the last two years. Our youngest had never seen any of them!  We wrapped up the Tinker Toys, Lincoln Logs, and Matchbox cars, and all of the other toys that had been lonely for so long, and placed them lovingly under the Christmas tree. On Christmas morning, our excited children ripped open the paper with glee and squealed over each new toy. They had no idea these were their old toys coming back to them.  The closest they came to finding us out was Reuben saying, "I used to have one of these!"

It was the best Christmas ever!

Just this evening, after coming home from a special family gathering to visit Uncle Ronald  and bring him some Christmas cheer, I mentioned that long ago Christmas to my boys, now 17 and 15.

"What?"  Tim said." You gave us our old presents?"

" I never could figure out why I got so many Tinker Toys, but I didn't really have that many" replied Reuben.

We all laughed together.  I had no idea the boys NEVER figured out what we had done.