If people ask you a lot "Are you crazy?, do you think that increases the likelihood that you might actually be a little deficient upstairs? Probably. So, I'm just going to come right out and admit that I am crazy.
You are most likely not surprised.
You might be surprised to learn that my husband is also crazy. Literally. But, the medicine really helps.
It's fun to make light of it, but I'm not kidding. Judd made no secret of his nervous breakdown last January. It's been a LONG year. His family has the genetics for mental illness. It was a ticking time bomb. . . and boom! It went off. Don't worry. I'm not betraying him by talking about this. It's not a secret, and it's not something to be ashamed about either. Chemicals get out of whack, life gets stressful, and BAM! One day you have a panic attack and you never feel better . Well, not you, but him. It was really hard. It took 5 months to get the correct dose of medicine. It's a sickness, just like diabetes, that needs to be treated.
This extremely stressful life interruption came in the middle of a mid-life crisis. I believe I mentioned this in a previous blog post. Judd decided that we need more kids. He wanted to adopt teenage boys. I called this "Judd's mid-life crisis". He's like a barren woman. It's kind of scary.
Long story short, and when I say long story I really mean LONG story, after MUCH discussion and prayer (I use the word discussion but that doesn't really do it all justice) I agreed to take the foster care classes. Let me back up a little. I have something wrong with me. I've had two surgeries to attempt to repair a tear/hole inside of me that resulted from incomplete healing from a 4th degree episiotomy when I had my 2nd child. TWO SURGERIES. They cannot fix me. At least, they cannot fix me the ways they have tried. The only option left is to have a "temporary" colostomy. If you don't know what a colostomy is, look it up. I would have one for about a year and have the repair surgery again, and then have the colostomy reversed after I healed. I AM NOT DOING THIS, unless some day I have to do this. Right now, I can live with it. But, I am done having babies. I just can't risk it getting any worse and then needing the colostomy- not going there!
My second failed surgery was in November of 2012. We had always talked about maybe adopting one day. When we realized my body was definitely done, Judd started to look into adoption.
So, adoption is the only way we are going to have more kids. And Judd wanted to adopt older kids.
We "discussed" this a lot. He had specific kids picked out from this website of waiting children. We took a break from the classes while he got stable on his meds. Then we resumed them. We continued" discussing".
In the end, in light of keeping this long story fairly short, the specific kids he wanted, that I did not want, became unavailable. I had nothing against those kids personally, but I feel strongly about only bringing little kids into our home right now. With 4 little girls, I don't feel comfortable adding non-related older boys.
We finished the 32 hours of classes. We were fingerprinted and background checked. We filled out the paperwork. We cleaned out our "spare" bedroom. This took months and considerable creativity since we were using that room to house Emmeline's dresser and dresses, the sewing machine and supplies, half of our towels, a couple hundred children's books, a computer on a desk and two filing cabinets. And the closet was being used for storage. It was REALLY hard to relocate those things into a house that was already busting at the seams. But, I did it. And the house doesn't feel more crowded. We emptied out the room and bought a bunk bed. A few days ago we added a little Cars toddler bed. The room is ready.
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Last week, we had a homestudy. This consisted of two interviews on separate days, and also a house inspection. We had to lock up all of our medicines and cleaners, show we had smoke detectors and fire extinguishers, outlet plugs, a room prepared, window well covers( still working on those), and other safety measures in place.
I was terrified for the homestudy. It ended up being a fairly pleasant experience. The kids didn't say anything to get THEMSELVES removed from our home, so we call that a success. The lady was nice, and in the end, after a lot of discussion, she decided we should be licensed and that she would recommend placements between the ages of 0-5.
Now, we are just waiting on the homestudy to be written up and the window well covers to be made. I'm paying a friend to make some out of wood to save us some money. The custom ones are incredibly expensive.
And then, we could get a placement at any time. We will be licensed for two kids, but I will only take one until Reuben is driving, since my car only has room for 8 people. I don't want to be stuck at home this summer or have to leave a kid behind when we go do fun things.
You think we are crazy, right? That's okay. I already admitted that at the beginning of this post. I think we are crazy too. But, I also feel peace about this, and I've spent more time praying about this than, well, anything in my life. I'm taking it one step at a time.
What can we expect? We can expect little kids who have had hard lives and need a lot of attention, love, and patience. We can expect weekly visits with their parent(s) and possibly weekly visits for therapy., and also court dates. There will be dentist and doctor visits, probably more than my kids or yours need, at least at first. 80% of children who are taken away by CPS are eventually returned to their parent(s). So, we can expect to fall in love with a bunch of kids and then give them back. We can probably expect to foster for 2-3 years before we get to adopt a child, someone with a parent who does not comply with the necessary steps to achieve reunification ( getting their kid(s) back). In Utah, there is a 12 months limit for parents to pull it together. It cannot go longer than that for the child. It can be shorter, but never longer. They will either become"legally free" or be reunified. Sometimes, they end up being placed with a family member that is located after a search.
We cannot leave foster kids in the care of teenagers. So, we will be looking for some grown up babysitters who would like to make some extra money to tend a foster kid so we can still go on dates.
I don't know exactly what to expect. I know it's going to be hard, but I feel peace about moving forward with this, so we're doing it. I don't know what the outcome is going to be. But, I don't need to know right now. It's enough that I feel peaceful about this. I follow the peace.
