Merry Christmas 2012

I've been feeling really guilty for many years about not sending out Christmas cards. For a few years we made up Groundhog Day cards, and that was a lot of fun, but it just kind of sizzled. We were too poor. We were too busy. Every now and then I've done an e-card, so when I got my sister's today, I thought, I can do that. It's free and it involves sitting around "resting", which is what I am supposed to do most of the day. So, here it is, and I have no idea what I'm going to say, but I'm sure something will spew forth as I continue typing:

  Judd (37) keeps himself busy slaving away at his law firm, Wimmer and Pitts, in Cottonwood Heights, Utah.  He coached Tim's and Reuben's soccer teams last Spring and Tim's and Clara's soccer teams in the fall. During the summer, he coached Tim's Summer Select competition soccer team and headed up a fun filled tournament trip to Cedar City.  The boys love him and so do the parents! The soccer organization, AYSO loves him too for his service on the board as age commissioner for the U10 boys and U12 boys, and also for serving as the Safety Director.  He is currently coaching a Jr. Jazz basketball team for Amy and another one for Tim and his buddies. When Judd is not coaching, he can be found driving carpool routes or playing Sequence for Kids, Moose in the House, or the Wild Rumpus game with the little girls.  At church, he serves in the Stake Sunday School Presidency, ward Financial Clerk, and teaches Elder's Quorum once a month.  Since he has so much spare time, he also agreed to head up the ward Christmas Party a few weeks ago, which was a big hit! Judd has also earned his "Substitute Mommy" degree over the last four months.

Judd and Rooster (Reuben)

(Me)Becky (35) I spent most of 2012 playing the Pollyanna Glad Game, or in other words, trying to live the idea "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. . . .It's about learning to dance in the rain."  It has definitely been a dance in the rain kind of year, and I've tried really hard to embrace the joys as they come.  After a year and half of daily pain, I got braces in August of 2011. In the Spring of 2012 I was ready for surgery, but had to wait to get health insurance, or find $20,000, whichever was easier.  Insurance secured, I  had jaw surgery in early September and have been banded shut for most of the day ever since!  The longer it goes, the less it bothers me.  I don't know for sure when I will get my braces off, but I expect it to be in the next 3-6 months and then I'm going to get the coolest retainer they have- sparkly or rainbow, or both!  In November, I had another surgery for a different problem.  Sadly, the healing isn't going well, but I have been blessed with a lot of love and more lessons to be learned in patience and empathy for suffering.  The good news- I lost 20 pounds  from the general anesthesia making me sick. I have spent my recovery time painting rocks and sewing on the machine my grandmother passed on to me just before she died in May. I also play chauffeur throughout the week and spend way too much time cleaning, but not lately.  At church I am the Activity Days Leader, Relief Society Pianist, and Relief Society Instructor- so awesome!  I accompanied Judd and Tim on the soccer trip to Cedar City, but the trip I'm really dreaming of for 2013 is one with no sports and no children.

My new nephew Coleman

Ever since I got braces, people think I am Reuben's sister.

Reuben (14) Reuben gets up, spends 30 minutes on a hairdo that should take 2 minutes, goes to 8th grade, gets mostly A's,comes home, checks his hair, does his homework, practices trumpet, checks his hair, goes to his activities, eats dinner, checks his hair, and goes to bed.  He played soccer in the Spring, but decided to give it up for good in May.  He's been super busy this school year with voice lessons, Janeen Brady Children's Choir, Janeen Brady Show Choir, Granite Jr. Youth Symphony, Scouts/Young Men's, and play practice for Amahl and the Night Visitors, which took up 2-3 nights a week for 2 months.  He was amazing as Amahl and, much to his chagrin, can still sing higher than most women.  One day he'll know how cool it was to be a boy soprano!  Reuben is a great big brother and so sweet to his littlest sister Emmeline.  He also earned his Duty to God award for Deacons before advancing to be a Teacher in October.  Reuben won Reflections at his school for his film, a puppet show about the magical moment of getting 2 pounds of cheese for Christmas. True Story.

Tim(12) Tim is a 6th grader at the district Magnet school for gifted children.  When he isn't going to school or teasing his sisters, Tim eats, drinks, and breathes soccer and computer. His Summer Select team won first place in the Cedar City Tournament, a pretty big deal since they were up against year round comp. teams.  When he isn't playing soccer, he helps out by refereeing.  He is really enjoying his second year of playing violin and trying out basketball this Winter. Timothy won Reflections at his school for his film documenting the moment when Daddy comes home.  He also won at the Council level. He is currently planning the state's greatest History Fair project in hopes of going "all the way!" He recently turned 12 and received the Aaronic Priesthood, becoming a Deacon and joining Young Men's.

Amy (9) Amy is the miniature mother of our home.  Her brothers might technically be the ones babysitting, but when Mom and Dad leave the crew alone, we know who is really holding down the fort.  She is in 4th grade at the district Magnet school for gifted children.  Amy loves school, devours books, and adores her family.  She takes clogging and Jazz and is a member of the Janeen Brady Children's Choir.  Amy won Reflections at her school for her poem about the magical moments during Trick or Treating.  She also won at the Council level.  She has decided that  it is better to give than to receive and is receiving help from Mom to sew some amazing presents for her siblings this year.

Clara (7) Clara attends 2nd grade at the same school as the love of her life, who will remain unnamed for now.  She has named her stuffed dog after this lucky boy.  Clara took the soccer field by storm this fall.  If she wasn't scoring goals, she was leading the parents in cheers on the sidelines.  Everyone who knows Clara, loves Clara, except for evil or selfish people.  She is so exuberant and loving!  She recently asked for my help to make fabric swords for three older boys at school who are mean to her on the bus.  Who does that? Clara does.  She loves to sing, sew, and take clogging and jazz class.  Clara won Reflections at her school for her 3D art, a fabric bird in an egg, and for her poem about the magical moment of realizing her birthday candles were trick candles!  You can keep making wishes forever!  She also won at the Council level for her 3D art.  Clara helps out with babysitting by being the designated dirty diaper changer. She thinks it is fun.

The bird

Audrey (5) After an illustrious one year career as a home-schooled preschooler, Audrey started Kindergarten in August at Hawthorn Academy in West Jordan.  It is a Charter School.  We have finally decided to try something different. As much as we love the gifted school, not all of our kids test in the top 1%.  As much as we love the local school, we aren't thrilled about the Chinese Immersion program. Why couldn't it have been Spanish?  So, we enrolled Audrey at Hawthorn.  Charter schools are public schools. They do not charge tuition and admission is run by lottery.  It's been a little bit difficult so far because the work load is pretty heavy and Mommy has been under the weather for the whole school year, but Audrey is learning a lot and reading is finally starting to click.  She loves to take dance class once a week and is a little bit obsessed with watching My Little Pony on Youtube.

Emmeline (2) Emmeline leads a pretty low key life.  She cheerfully repeats her scripture verse in the morning, eats, plays, destroys, sleeps, eats, plays, destroys, and repeats.  She recently had an entire blog entry devoted to her cuteness. Emmeline's greatest accomplishment this year has been her vocabulary gains.  She can say, well, anything you can say, and say it cuter too!  She has been incredibly sweet and understanding about Mommy being "sick" for several months.  While she will respond to her nickname "Lemon" don't call her a baby or you might just disintegrate from her death glare.

We are having a simple Christmas at our house this year, enjoying being together and feeling the love of the Savior. 

Merry Christmas!  

Emmeline's Jobs

I have all these serious thoughts floating around in my head after a day at church, especially since I taught R.S. today. But, I don't think I'm going to bore you with seriousness today. No, what the world needs now is a little levity, a little reminder of all the good, sweet, beautiful, funny, fantastic little things that make life worth living. Yes, I'm talking about little people. No, not "Little People", just people who are still little. I like to call my children little people. They may not be quite so fond of the title, but they won't be little forever, so time will heal them of this insult. Anyway, Emmeline is just so dang stinkin' cute that I thought I'd share some of her adorableness with you all. First of all, she still has these amazing cheeks that you simply want to squeeze until happiness bursts right out! Don't try it though. It has been scientifically proven that Emmeline's cheeks are actually a breeding ground equal to the likes of Typhoid Mary. Then there is her hair! Holy hair! This kid has got luscious locks cascading down her head, ending in gentle curls. She knows it too. Some people have security blankets or stuffed animals. Emmeline has her hair. Who needs a teddy bear when you can pet your own head? And finally, her brain is amazing. If you know her, you know that Emmeline can carry on a conversation with the best of us. She loves to "read" scriptures, sing songs, play the piano, and tell us all what to do. When I realized how smart she was, I started to give her jobs. She will repeat them on request. Here's a short video to demonstrate the sincerity of my claim that Emmeline is practically irresistable! She tells her jobs on this video. You don't want to miss that! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9WrwS3Lcs4 In case you can't understand her, her jobs are: 1.Be humble 2.Be cute 3. Be nice 4. Be safe 5. Be clean

Gobble Gobble Super Turkey

This is a week of firsts for me: 1. This is my first blog entry made completely on my kindle. So it will be shorter than usual. 2. I used a hot glue gun in bed this week. 3. I had what can reasonably be called my first nervous breakdown. 4. I was alone during my nonexistent Thanksgiving dinner. I was invited of course but did not feel well enough to attend. 5. I found a narcotic that does not cause me an allergic reaction. 6. My sweet husband made both the mashed potatoes and 4 dozen homemade rolls to take to his parents today. There is something very desirable about a man who can work the yeast. 7. I watched the parade and some dog shows. I don't even like parades or dog shows but it was so great to feel good enough to repose on the couch rather than my bed that I didn't care what was on. 8. Finally, while getting a heparin shot in the hospital, the nurse said my stomach didn't have much fat and didn't look like I had birthed 6 children -and I couldn't respond with my usual "You haven't seen me with my clothes off!" because, well, you know. . . It has been a very difficult week for me as I struggle to recover from my second surgery this Fall. My husband has been my wall to lean on, quite literally. I have received tons of help and support. Of course I am grateful to everyone and especially to Heavenly Father for the blessing of life and even for excruciating challenges that leave me forever changed. I was on the brink this week, hours away from a return to the hospital,physically and emotionally spent, when we called on a friend to help my husband give me a priesthood blessing. I was able to calm down, go to sleep, and resolve the issue in time to avoid the hospital. It wasn't a miraculous healing, but just enough improvement for me to keep on plugging. There is always good to be found if only you look. There is always happiness to feel if you want to, maybe something small on the darkest days, but no matter what, "Let us resolve to be happy, regardless of our circumstances."-Dieter F. Uctdorf

Confessions of a Serial Trick or Treater

Why should Halloween be just for the kids?  Okay, I really do understand the reasons why trick or treating is for children, but it took me a long time to get it out of my system.  A VERY LONG TIME.  It may have involved trick-or-treating as an adult on more than one occasion.  Okay, it did involve that.  I admit it.  I LOVE TRICK-OR-TREATING!!!!!!!!!

Trick or treating as a child was perhaps the highlight of my entire year.  I loved candy, I didn't have an allowance most of my life, and this was my one chance all year long to hit the mother load.  Easter and Christmas were great too, but Halloween offered so much more! I grew up in a nice flat Texas neighborhood and we would trick or treat for about 3 hours straight, often running from house to house.  I probably pulled in 5-10 pounds of candy, which I never managed to make last past Christmas, unlike my friend Ronni who would eat one piece a day.  Some people are just born with incredible discipline.  Some of us are born dreaming of Reece's Peanut Butter Cups.  Oh, sweet memories of childhood!

Well, I had really awesome parents who let us trick or treat every year and didn't make us stop at any particular age. But, my older siblings naturally stopped around 16, so I thought I would too.  I was planning on my last year of trick or treating to be the best yet.  Then my dad got a job in Moscow Russia and 6 weeks later, in September of 2001, we were living there.  They don't have Halloween in Russia.  Ahhh!!!!!  Horror of Horrors! I was traumatized.  My parents couldn't even go out and buy me candy to make up for it because they didn't have much imported American candy and Russian candy was just not the same.  I probably should have felt worse for my little brothers, but hey, I was a selfish teenager, and I just felt bad for me.  I slowly simmered about my lost candy for 3 years.  Then I moved back to America, 17 years old, as a Freshman at Brigham Young University.  Halloween quickly approached and I made my plans.  I would go trick or treating!

I selected my partner in crime, a boy in my ward who was also very youthful looking. We dressed up and we headed on foot up to the married housing apts. at the North of campus.  And it worked! They gave us candy!

You might think I felt redeemed, but no, it was more like the having the pump primed.  The next year I was dating my husband and we trick or treated around his cul-de-sac. So, it was 6 houses, but I did go. The next year, we refrained.  The next year we had a 3 week old baby- plenty old for trick or treating. And by the next year, when he was 12 months old, he was totally old enough to beg for candy, and still too young to eat it!  Ha ha !

Since then, we've been legitimately taking our children trick or treating and not even stealing their candy.

 And I was almost recovered from my need to go, but I needed one more jaunt into the magical world of Halloween.  I was 27.  Yes.  I was 27.  I looked very young.  I dressed up as a butterfly and took my 14 year old sister out with me in my in-laws neighborhood.  These people knew me, but I wore an eye mask.  I hauled.  And I didn't have even one person look at me strangely . I had 3 children at this point.  I know, I'm pitiful, but I wanted the candy.  I shared it with Judd.  We were poor.   But, the good news, I'm sure you'll be glad to read, is that I was finally cured. Time, and better income, finally satiated my desire to beg door to door for goodies. I am a recovered trick or treater.  It doesn't hurt that my mouth issues prohibit me from eating most candy these days.  Anyway, that is my confession, my deep dark secret? What's yours?

I am Old

I am officially old.

Yes, I am.

Okay, maybe not old, but definitely a complete and total, no denying it, grown up.  I just turned 35 -  halfway through my 30's.  40 will be here to smack me in the face before I can say "Stop kicking your sister under the table" 1,825 more times, or something like that.  Time goes so fast!

Not so long ago, I was a cute little baby. It's taken me years to agree that I was cute and not some mutant with quadruple cheeks.  They were big.  But, I guess that's okay.

Before I knew it, I was 5 years old. Those early years really flew by for me.  Then things slowed down a little, but, Wammo!, Junior High was just around the corner.  And just when I was getting the hang of things, we moved to Russia.

Fast forward past three amazing years of  homeschool  High School and a little maturing and I descended upon the college scene like, well like an American teenager who was starved for cute guys who spoke English.  I had a goal of 3 dates per week.  So, naturally, with that important mindset,I quickly found an eternal companion.  We wed.

Then, we bred.

And here I am 35 years old, married for 15+ years, mother to 6 children.  I have a 14 year old child.  I was 14 when I moved to Russia.  It doesn't feel like that long ago.  Time felt so sluggishly slow when I was a child, like I could actually touch it while it dripped along, bit by insanely slow bit.

And now. .  I can't seem to get life to slow down.  And before I realized what happened, I've left my young life behind. Many of my friends, older than me, laugh at the concept of 35 being old.  I know that it isn't really old.  But, it isn't really young anymore either.  It's time to be a grownup.

It's time to admit my greatest weaknesses and to overcome them.  I'm not going to admit them to you, but I'm admitting them to me, and to God, and I'm going to change. Because, before I know it, I'll be 60, then 70, then, one day, I'm going to pass on from this life.

It's also time to embrace my talents and consciously develop them further.  While I was recovering from surgery and had a lot of spare time, my parents had me do some projects.  I painted flowers on rocks.  I painted a soccer ball.  I painted a bird house.  We sewed.  I realized that I have not been developing some abilities that mean a lot to me.  And I'm not getting any younger!  I shouldn't let my time be spent only helping my children with their many activities, but I should also set aside a little time for me to continue growing.

I want to improve my sewing ability, my art abilities, my music abilities. I want to do things I've never done, but always wanted to do. I want to do things I haven't done enough. I want to go on hikes.  I want to do amazing things with my garden.  I want to explore art.  I want to write about things that matter and reach a wiser audience than my facebook friends.  I want to play difficult piano pieces flawlessly.  I want to teach, not for money, I just want to teach.  And I want to be in a play, a real play, not just starring as the devil in the ward roadshow 21 years ago. That doesn't count.

This might be my little version of a midlife crisis.  I'm just really starting to understand the fragile nature of mortal life.  I don't want to have regrets.  In some ways I have been in limbo for 2 1/2 years, my life on hold while I deal with my strange mouth problems.  Next Friday I will have surgery to hopefully fix another problem I've been dealing with since Timothy's birth.  Then, I'm going to start doing these things.  My midlife crisis is going to be one of self-improvement, not selfishly, but balanced with my most important roles of mother and wife.  Let the crisis begin!  I'm feeling old and times a wastin'!

p.s.  I also want to know who actually reads this blog.  Please feel free to comment.  I adore comments!

ONE MORE DAY!

My surgery was exactly 6 weeks ago!  Tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock I will see my oral surgeon, have an x-ray, and hope to see some good healing in my upper jaw bone.  I am done with these bands!  I hope.

It has been super fun to develop such a close and loving relationship with my blender.

I have blended things I didn't think I would ever blend- almonds, oats, chicken, hamburger, beans, kale, rice, bread, tortillas, -even lettuce.

I thought you might enjoy some photos of my dinner last night.

This is how it started.  Beans and rice, salsa, sauteed celery, leeks, and peppers, sour cream, water, and lettuce. 

Blend for 40 seconds on the smoothie setting. 

Mmm, it's looking good!

Voila!  Cafe Rio flavor, baby food appearance. Yummy!

And that's the way it goes- 3 or 4 times a day.  Delicious!  I'm hoping that tomorrow I get the clearance to start chewing soft foods like scrambled eggs, oatmeal, and noodles.  If not, I might see what happens when I blend tortilla chips.  :)
 Seriously, I know this looks really gross, but I am forever grateful that the Blendtec blender exists and that I was able to get one.  It has kept me alive and healthy.  It has even kept me from losing any more weight, which is shockingly disappointing.  I had hoped that giving up white flour, candy, cookies, cakes, chips,. . .  and all other good sweet or salty treats would make a difference.  Oh well!  I am just grateful to be alive and for all of my wonderful working body parts.

5 weeks post-op

Wednesday October 10th, 2012 -(awesome photo at end)
5 weeks! It seems like just yesterday I was still waiting for surgery.  But, hopefully I have just one week left of being banded.  I have an appointment tomorrow and I'll see what my doctor says then.  The week that I came home- about 2 1/2 weeks ago, I worked really hard to clean my home and get back into the swing of motherhood.  I guess I worked too hard, but I didn't feel like it at the time.  The next week I crashed hard and had to watch all my hard work revert while the children spread crumbs over the carpet and dirt on the walls.  It's not really totally destroyed, but I did have to take it easy.  Instead of cleaning, I sewed.  I'm working on a quilt for Emmeline . It is simple but absolutely gorgeous!  I'm very close to having the top finished.

Being home has been wonderful, but also difficult.  I've been hit in the jaw three times.  Audrey caught a cold and gave it to me.  That's sharing at it's finest!  I'm not sleeping well, even though Judd is doing all of the middle of the night child duties.  The hardest thing has been watching my family eat junk food all day long.  There seems to be a constant stream of candy, cookies, chips. . . and I can't eat any of it.  I just smell it and tell myself that was as good as eating it.  It really is close.  I'm hoping to maintain this new habit because I REALLY do not want to gain back the 10 pounds I lost. Those 10 pounds were a new addition that I gained after losing weight when I got my braces on.  I'm not sure how to prevent them from coming back.  My plan is to only eat when hungry and to continue exercising.  It's been so interesting to eat from my blender for so long.  I'm focusing on getting a lot of protein and also fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.  I would like to keep the switch to whole grains.  It's going to be hard because my family is anti whole wheat, anti- whole grain pasta, anti brown rice, anti oatmeal.  So, I might just have to offer both kinds for a while. I know I can win some of them over to the dark side! In the meantime, I made them homemade rolls and cinnamon bread yesterday.  They were so excited that I baked again!

As can be expected, I continue to learn from this experience:

1.I've learned that not having feeling in a body part is really a handicap.  While I'm grateful to not feel pain in my upper teeth, eating against a palate void of all feeling is difficult.  Today I held an ice cube against my palate- nothing.  I have been sensing twinges of cold in my two front teeth- at least I think I have.  But, when I touch them, I can't feel it.  I know that when I start to chew again, it will be challenging to do so with no feeling in my top teeth.

2. I've learned that healing from a broken bone actually does require more sleep. For me, it requires about two hours more sleep than I was getting before, so 8-9 hours instead of 6-7. I feel like a little kid again.

3. I've learned that yelling with clenched/banded teeth is really difficult and not worth it.  It causes me pain later and at the moment when I attempt to yell, I get the distinct impression that I resemble a frothing dog. My children say I sound like I am mad all of the time.  Try talking with clenched teeth and you will see what they mean.

4. I have learned that raw frozen spinach really has no taste when mixed into a smoothie.  I have tried it with every possible combination, including with just ice cream and peaches.  That was the most delicious peach spinach milkshake, even if it was green.

5. I have learned that I had a habit of licking food off of my fingers, based on the number of times that I try to do it, only to be thwarted by the fact that I cannot open my mouth.

6. I have learned that I do not lick my lips.  While I am addicted to chapstick, being banded shut has not made any difference.  I still need it just as much as before.  My lips still get chapped.

7. I've learned that some food tastes pretty good after being blended, like beans and brown rice, and some food turns into super baby food cement- like potatoes. DO NOT BLEND POTATOES!

7. Another thing I have learned is something I already knew.  But, I think I learn it deeper each time it happens.  I have learned that "With God, nothing is impossible".  No matter what it is, God will make you equal to the trials that you face in life, if you turn to Him.  People have been shocked and horrified by what I have gone through with my mouth problem and the jaw surgery.  Yes, it has been really hard.  There's no doubt about that.  But, I knew going into this surgery that I would survive. During the awful initial recovery period, I used two techniques to get me through.  When I started to panic, I chanted over and over in my head, "The Lord is my light and my strength." This was a mutation of Psalm 27 which starts, "The Lord is the strength of my life.  The Lord is my light and salvation."  I couldn't remember it correctly.  My brain was so foggy.  It didn't matter though.  Turning to the Lord gave me the strength to take one more breath.

The other technique was suggested by someone, who shall remain nameless.  I was having panic attacks while trying to fall asleep, afraid that I wouldn't be able to breathe. The suggestion was to pray myself to sleep, praying in detail for each of my children, and to just keep going until I fell asleep.  So, maybe praying with the intention of falling asleep isn't very righteous, but I think Heavenly Father understood, and my prayers were sincere. It was comforting to be praying for the welfare of others instead of focusing on myself.

Many people have remarked how they couldn't have their teeth banded or wired shut for 6 weeks.  I would have thought the same thing of myself.  But, it's not true. You can do anything with God.  ANYTHING.  Whatever He requires of you, you can do.  Whatever trials you face, you can emerge from the darkness with strengthened faith.  In the LDS church we like to talk about the refiner's fire a lot.  We consider large trials in our life to be our own personal visits into that fire.  It isn't a pleasant trip, but going through the refiner's fire strips away impurities and strengthens what is left behind. Afterwards, you wonder how you were ever happy living with those impurities.  You are changed.  If you have ever experienced a planned empowering natural childbirth, the feelings are similar.  It's the power of learning that you can do HARD THINGS.  So, to my wonderful friends and family, all blessed with your own kaleidoscope of trials, YES, you could do this too, if it were asked of you.  You can do hard things.  We all can.  With God, nothing is impossible.

Thursday October 11, 2012

I just had my dr. appt.  Everything looks good.  He said I could start opening my mouth a little bit now and a gain with the bands on.  I have my 6 week appt. next Thursday.  I think scrambled eggs are in my future!

And my quilt top is done!