My newsfeed has been flooded with the story of a black man, George Floyd, who was recently killed by a white police officer who pressed his knee into Mr. Floyd's throat until it killed him. The pictures are alarming. The video is a PTSD inducing nightmare. But, the bigger problem is that there IS a bigger problem. This isn't the first time a white police officer has killed a black person senselessly. Black people are afraid of police officers because they are treated differently because they are black. They are suspected because of the color of their skin. I have never considered myself to be racist. I have said to myself, "I am not part of the problem." And I truly hope that my personal actions never have been part of the problem. But, I also realize that I have not ever been part of the solution. I've never witnessed police brutality in person. I live in place with very few black people and fairly low levels of violent crime. I've never publicly spoken or written anything about this. That changes today.
I'm lucky enough to have pale skin.
And I'm still scared of the police. In my small handful of police encounters I have almost always felt afraid of the officer. A person carrying a gun is scary to me. A person carrying a gun who has authority to boss me around is scary to me. A person carrying a gun who has authority to arrest me if I say the wrong thing or make the wrong move is scary to me. It's incredibly intimidating. The few times I have been pulled over, my body reacted whether my mind agreed or not. My heart rate sped up, I began to sweat, and I started to cry. It took me a long time to clam down. I have even felt nervous when I was the one to call the police because my car had been broken into or we had been in an accident.
And I'm white.
What if ALL police officers were black? I know this is not something that could/would actually happen, but just pretend for a moment with me. What if it could happen and it did happen? Would it solve the problem? Would black people finally feel safe around the police? Would white people? Would all the white people who claim to be "color-blind" be willing to solve the problem by embracing an all black police force?
I know that isn't the solution because it isn't possible for so many reasons, but I also know that each and every person needs to become the solution. I can't even begin to imagine, knowing how I, as a white person, feel fear around police, what it feels like for black people. I will never be able to truly understand. But, I also realize that being silent makes me part of the problem.
Black lives matter. It upsets me that this has to be a saying. All lives matter, right? We shouldn't have to say that black lives matter. We shouldn't sort people by skin color, right? It doesn't matter what SHOULD be. What matters is that "Black Lives Matter" does need to be said. It needs to be said over and over and over again until every black person feels safe around police, until every black person IS safe around the police. . . BLACK LIVES MATTER.
