Wednesday October 10th, 2012 -(awesome photo at end)
5 weeks! It seems like just yesterday I was still waiting for surgery. But, hopefully I have just one week left of being banded. I have an appointment tomorrow and I'll see what my doctor says then. The week that I came home- about 2 1/2 weeks ago, I worked really hard to clean my home and get back into the swing of motherhood. I guess I worked too hard, but I didn't feel like it at the time. The next week I crashed hard and had to watch all my hard work revert while the children spread crumbs over the carpet and dirt on the walls. It's not really totally destroyed, but I did have to take it easy. Instead of cleaning, I sewed. I'm working on a quilt for Emmeline . It is simple but absolutely gorgeous! I'm very close to having the top finished.
Being home has been wonderful, but also difficult. I've been hit in the jaw three times. Audrey caught a cold and gave it to me. That's sharing at it's finest! I'm not sleeping well, even though Judd is doing all of the middle of the night child duties. The hardest thing has been watching my family eat junk food all day long. There seems to be a constant stream of candy, cookies, chips. . . and I can't eat any of it. I just smell it and tell myself that was as good as eating it. It really is close. I'm hoping to maintain this new habit because I REALLY do not want to gain back the 10 pounds I lost. Those 10 pounds were a new addition that I gained after losing weight when I got my braces on. I'm not sure how to prevent them from coming back. My plan is to only eat when hungry and to continue exercising. It's been so interesting to eat from my blender for so long. I'm focusing on getting a lot of protein and also fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. I would like to keep the switch to whole grains. It's going to be hard because my family is anti whole wheat, anti- whole grain pasta, anti brown rice, anti oatmeal. So, I might just have to offer both kinds for a while. I know I can win some of them over to the dark side! In the meantime, I made them homemade rolls and cinnamon bread yesterday. They were so excited that I baked again!
As can be expected, I continue to learn from this experience:
1.I've learned that not having feeling in a body part is really a handicap. While I'm grateful to not feel pain in my upper teeth, eating against a palate void of all feeling is difficult. Today I held an ice cube against my palate- nothing. I have been sensing twinges of cold in my two front teeth- at least I think I have. But, when I touch them, I can't feel it. I know that when I start to chew again, it will be challenging to do so with no feeling in my top teeth.
2. I've learned that healing from a broken bone actually does require more sleep. For me, it requires about two hours more sleep than I was getting before, so 8-9 hours instead of 6-7. I feel like a little kid again.
3. I've learned that yelling with clenched/banded teeth is really difficult and not worth it. It causes me pain later and at the moment when I attempt to yell, I get the distinct impression that I resemble a frothing dog. My children say I sound like I am mad all of the time. Try talking with clenched teeth and you will see what they mean.
4. I have learned that raw frozen spinach really has no taste when mixed into a smoothie. I have tried it with every possible combination, including with just ice cream and peaches. That was the most delicious peach spinach milkshake, even if it was green.
5. I have learned that I had a habit of licking food off of my fingers, based on the number of times that I try to do it, only to be thwarted by the fact that I cannot open my mouth.
6. I have learned that I do not lick my lips. While I am addicted to chapstick, being banded shut has not made any difference. I still need it just as much as before. My lips still get chapped.
7. I've learned that some food tastes pretty good after being blended, like beans and brown rice, and some food turns into super baby food cement- like potatoes. DO NOT BLEND POTATOES!
7. Another thing I have learned is something I already knew. But, I think I learn it deeper each time it happens. I have learned that "With God, nothing is impossible". No matter what it is, God will make you equal to the trials that you face in life, if you turn to Him. People have been shocked and horrified by what I have gone through with my mouth problem and the jaw surgery. Yes, it has been really hard. There's no doubt about that. But, I knew going into this surgery that I would survive. During the awful initial recovery period, I used two techniques to get me through. When I started to panic, I chanted over and over in my head, "The Lord is my light and my strength." This was a mutation of Psalm 27 which starts, "The Lord is the strength of my life. The Lord is my light and salvation." I couldn't remember it correctly. My brain was so foggy. It didn't matter though. Turning to the Lord gave me the strength to take one more breath.
The other technique was suggested by someone, who shall remain nameless. I was having panic attacks while trying to fall asleep, afraid that I wouldn't be able to breathe. The suggestion was to pray myself to sleep, praying in detail for each of my children, and to just keep going until I fell asleep. So, maybe praying with the intention of falling asleep isn't very righteous, but I think Heavenly Father understood, and my prayers were sincere. It was comforting to be praying for the welfare of others instead of focusing on myself.
Many people have remarked how they couldn't have their teeth banded or wired shut for 6 weeks. I would have thought the same thing of myself. But, it's not true. You can do anything with God. ANYTHING. Whatever He requires of you, you can do. Whatever trials you face, you can emerge from the darkness with strengthened faith. In the LDS church we like to talk about the refiner's fire a lot. We consider large trials in our life to be our own personal visits into that fire. It isn't a pleasant trip, but going through the refiner's fire strips away impurities and strengthens what is left behind. Afterwards, you wonder how you were ever happy living with those impurities. You are changed. If you have ever experienced a planned empowering natural childbirth, the feelings are similar. It's the power of learning that you can do HARD THINGS. So, to my wonderful friends and family, all blessed with your own kaleidoscope of trials, YES, you could do this too, if it were asked of you. You can do hard things. We all can. With God, nothing is impossible.
Thursday October 11, 2012
I just had my dr. appt. Everything looks good. He said I could start opening my mouth a little bit now and a gain with the bands on. I have my 6 week appt. next Thursday. I think scrambled eggs are in my future!
And my quilt top is done!
