The Parking Strip Project

You can't seem anything special now, but just wait!

When we bought our house 4 years ago, there was an annoying patch of weed grass growing in our lawn.  And I'm ashamed to say that I ignored it that year.  I was pregnant and we were doing so many other projects that digging out that grass didn't make it to the top of my list.  I dug it out the next year, but I had waited too long. The grass had spread.  Again I employed my non-effective strategy of ignoring the problem.  That was dumb, again.  But, by the next fall, I was pregnant again and then last Spring had a brand new baby.  You might ask why my husband didn't take care of the problem, and the honest answer is that he doesn't enjoy yardwork and it never made it to the top of his list either.  So, the problem grew, and grew, and grew, until we had four more patches in our lawn and a ton of patches in the parking strip.  This year I decided to dig them up.  I also decided to replace the spots in the lawn with good grass from the parking strip.  I knew that once I dug out all of the bad grass and good grass to fix the main lawn, that I would have dug out roughly 40% of my parking strip.

 I am not a fan of parking strips, especially when mowing time approaches.  So, I decided to just keep on digging.  And digging and digging and digging.  My kids dug, my husband dug, some friends dug.  We dug and dug and dug. We found two tree stumps that had been covered by grass.  The little girls managed to unearth the first one. The second one was stuck, with roots growing under the sidewalk.  I left that one alone for a while and kept on digging. 

Finally, after an incredible amount of dirtiness and many weeks of dumping grass in the trash can, the big white container that came for 24 hours, and the neighbors' cans, and waiting for the garbage man to be forced to turn on the "turbo" mode to lift our can, we finished digging. And we got out that big stump.  That thing was huge! Earlier this week I had the intense pleasure of borrowing a tiller and tilling the crud out of that dirt.  It felt so good! Then I was finally able to plant the 12 perrenials my mother had purchased for me about 4 weeks ago.  They had pretty serious roots going on.  I transplanted a bunch of perrenials starts from my yard and slapped in some annuals for fun and then found a neighbor to help us get some wood chips, which turned into mulch by the time the men got back from the dump. But, for $20, I'm not complaining. The dirt was very unnatractive and is now hidden under 3-5 inches of mulch.  Me likey!

Now, it's not really very pretty right now, but it's going to be.  Just wait and see! I have some really awesome bulbs on order that will come in the fall and by next Spring, my new garden should be a thing of beauty, full of pink and white daffodils, parrot tulips, rembrandt tulips, every kind of purple tulip you can imagine, purple crocuses, and valentine's day colors of hyacinth.  When that show ends, I'm planning a tribute to my alma mater, BYU, with blue and white allium.  Then the perrenials will take over and delight me with a rainbow of colors until the fall when the purple blooming fall crocuses say hello before the viscious snow comes.  I can't wait!

Total cost so far-
$20 for soil and compost
$20 for mulch
$6 for annuals
lilies, lamb's ear, lavender, and other perrenial starts transplanted from my yard- FREE
From My Mom
$15 for 12 small perrenials from Marvin's Gardens
$80 ish for amazing bulbs from the internet

From my contact rebate credit card
$63 from the Michigan bulb company for bulbs and perrenials.  I can't wait to see what the Clara Curtis Daisy looks like!

Total cost to me- $46
Total cost overall- $204

It's going to be so pretty next year!

Clara -Episode 1

Since the world's cutest baby who napped for 10 entire minutes in the car today and then never again is showing no signs of retiring, despite the fact that Mommy is about to expire, I think I'll take this unplanned time to jot down some of the funny and cute things Clara has done or said lately.

DANCE
Clara has been taking dance class this last year for the first time.  I always knew she had the moves and her dance class proved it. She loved dance and was so serious about being good at it.  Every Tuesday morning, when I would tell her the day, she would cheer because it was dance day.  At the recital last week, the dance instructor,Marlene Blackburn, addressed the audience and shared a story from the competition the studio had attended in April.  As the girls were about to go on, one little girl looked up at her and said, "I've been dreaming of this my whole life!"  Right after Marlene said that I looked over at my husband and said,"That had to have been Clara who said that!" But then I told myself that there are so many little girls that it could have been anyone.  Then on the last day of class, Marlene's daughter, Kristen, wanted to tell me a cute story about Clara, about the competition, before they went on, when she declared, "I've been dreaming of this my whole life!" I knew it was her! Clara then went on to tell us how she plans to be a MOTHER, but also teach dance in her basement studio, while her husband watches the children upstairs. And he will not have a beard, but he will have a mustache, because that is so handsome, just like Principle Cooper, who is 50 something with gray hair, and SOOOOOO handsome to Clara.

SOCCER
My boys have been playing soccer for years now and Clara loves to tag along and be part of the excitement.  Last week, she accompanied Daddy while I stayed home with the baby and the family car with the blown tire( long story, also involving Clara). Anyway, Clara loves the Snack Shack, but I NEVER buy her anything because it goes against everything I believe in to overpay for candy and drinks in that way when I can just bring my own. Well, not having my sense of economics, but one all her own, Clara set out by herself while Daddy was distracted with coaching, visiting strangers lining the field and offering her services for money. Apparently she gave people shoulder rubs, performed the chicken dance, and traded with someone, and ended up earning several dollars and what she considered to be a well deserved trip to the Snack Shack.  I think this is funny, but also worrisome. 

MEN
This kid is going to give us full heads of gray hair by 40.  She loves men. She loves all men, but she especially loves men with facial hair. She once begged Daddy not to shave.  When she sees strangers walking outside she runs out and  says hi to them from the front porch.  If she knows them, she runs up and gives them a hug and has a nice little visit. She has invited the man next door, our home teacher, two teenage boys, and the neighbor's cat to her birthday party.  She is reconsidering these invites since I told her she can't have a princess party unless she only invites little girls.  Clara is in love with two different boys at school and once spent a good hour writing them a note, "Which one of you likes baseball better?" Why? Because the bigger fan would win her hand in marriage someday.  This is an improvement from the beginning of the year when she gave her heart up for the boy with the blue scissors. 

MATH
This one isn't very funny, but it's cute.  Clara has been demonstrating a propensity for math lately. She is in Kindergarten and will be 6 in mid August, but she can add and subtract in her head already. I once told her about a family that had 12 kids and lost 3 in a car accident. She looked sad and said, "Oh Mommy! Then they only had 9 kids left!"  Yesterday my mom treated us to lunch at Applebees. To pass the time, Clara decided to do some addition on a napkin. She wrote 5+5=10.  Then she wrote 9+1=10. Then I asked her to write it another way and she wrote 2+3+5 =10. Then 4+6=10. Then Grandma led her through all the ways to make 11. Every time she had to add she would scrunch up her face and make sure we knew she wasn't using her fingers, and when she got the right answer you would have thought the kid had just been given her favorite treat.  Her face lit up in absolute delight! We definitely have a math lover on our hands!

Clara is a rascal, but a delight. She is the friendliest person I have ever met. She talks to EVERYONE.  She has a standing deal with a member of the bishopric to get 5 breath mints every Sunday.  She says Hi to every single person that we ever meet, no matter who they are, what their age, or how scary or intimidating they look.  And I marvel as I watch people respond to her, smiling and laughing. She is spreading so much joy and she has no idea.  I hope that part of her never changes.




 

Pinewood Derby 2011

This is the awards table.  It's simple, but it works.  I use what we have in the closet to decorate so we can spend our money on the trophies and awards.

Graphite anyone?

My little kids blew up 50 something balloons.  This awesome track is about 30 years old and was build by a cabinetmaker who still lives in the ward. It still works really well. Now, the computer is another story.

Here is the infamous Commodore 64.  The set up is really ingenious, but the parts that are broken are not replacable.  So sad.

(This post is really long and it's mostly me complaining about the stresses of running the pinewood derby, but there are some cool photos at the end.)
If you would have asked me 10 years ago what I might be doing this Friday night, I doubt I would have guessed "Running the Pinewood Derby".  I know, it's good for people to be pushed outside of their comfort zones, but this ones pushes me until I fall off of the precipice and splatter on the rocky ground below, never to be discovered or recovered. Okay, it's not really that bad.  It's just that we have this computer and timer system that is REALLY cool and pretty old too.  It times the cars to the thousandth of a second.  I love the accuracy of the whole thing, but two of the 4 sensors have stopped working and they are irreplacable.  The computer is, I believe, a Commodore 64.  The program still works, but it's hard for a windows user like me to use. It's confusing.  So, it's kind of stressful having only two of the four lane timers working, and having to be prepared the run the race by people eyeballing it at the end. I need software that can do permutations with minimal repetitions, meaning I need to be able to plug in the number of cars by name and have the program tell me which cars to run in which lane for each heat. I tried figuring it out on my own, but it's just so complicated. and unfortunately, it's not in our budget this year to buy a new timer and software, but maybe next year.  Anyway, I know everything will work out somehow. My dad is coming to hold my baby.  My mother in law is bringing Timothy halfway through his soccer game.  I'm praying that she stays to help with my other two little girls and that my 8 year old can behave by herself since my 12 year old and husband will be at the soccer game.  The weigh in/turn in is tonight.  I have seen 4 of the cars so far- two came for the Saturday weigh in, one came to weigh in this morning, and one is my son's car.  They are all due tonight at threat of not qualifiying for a medal.  I hate being strict and mean about it, but if you give people an inch. . . .So, I have to have a deadline.  It's especially important this time because I am going to be making pins for each boy that are miniature replicas of their own cars.  I have to draw them on the shrink film, color them in, cook them, glue the pin back on, and hopefully coat them with one of my favorite things, EnviroTex Lite, to give them a thick glass like coating.  That stuff is way cool.  Anyway, when I'm done, I'll add those pictures and then after the derby I'll update this blog and then post it.  I'm hoping it goes better than I think it will.  Two years ago I didn't have to "run" the actual race.  I got a previous Cubmaster to do that for me.  That was great, except for the part where my baby  (Audrey)dislocated her elbow and nobody knew until I got home from the derby.  She cried the whole time and I was too busy to go and figure out what was wrong. 

Entry #2. (9:07 p.m. 2 days before the derby)
The weigh in is over.  It went pretty well, other than the few boys who had to come back multiple times after making adjustments.  I felt bad about it, especially about dickering over 1/8 of an ounce, but the line has to be drawn somewhere and I did tell people in writing not to rely on any scale definitively except for the one being used for the derby.  I was actually pretty lenient, weighing in ounces and not in grams.  I think, if I'm still cubmaster next year, I will set a limit of 142 grams (5 ounces os 141.7 grams).  Gee, I hope I'm not doing this next year! I know, bad attitude, but this is so stressful.  I am crossing my fingers that I can get that computer to work tonight.  Please, please, please.  I've got all kinds of spreadsheets ready to record things by hand in case the computer malfunctions.  I've got 11 cars.  3 boys did not bring me cars, so I'm wondering and worrying if they are still planning on coming or not.  I don't have special prizes for them and I don't want to create and print brackets for 11, 12, 13, or 14 cars.  That's a lot of extra work. So, hopefully that won't happen.  And the SADDEST thing of all is that I spent HOURS AND HOURS making miniature pinewood derby cars out of shrink film, replicas of each boys' car, and then I coated them with envirotex lite, after gluing a pin on back, and the envirotex lite made the permanent black and blue ink run and marred my precise and beautiful jobs. They are still cool, but not nearly as cool as they were and I'm bummed after all of the work that we put in.  Judd helped me do a few of them last night.  If they look really awful tomorrow, I will probably consider starting all over and not coating them with envirotex lite.  That is an option since I drew each car on paper and then traced it.  So, I have the "original" drawings still and I have enough shrink film to do it again.  Hmm, I'm going to have to think about that.  It was stressful to bake them.  Several of them curled up on themselves, even though I covered them with parchment paper. Then I had to perform shrink film surgery while they were still hot.  Some had to go back in the over to get squishy again.  Anyway, it was a little nuts.  Tonight we go and set up.  I've got help coming, thanks to Brother Huntington calling people and asking, and I really am grateful for that.  The track is heavy and tricky to set up so it will be great to have some help.  Okay, well, enough complaining,.  Time to get back into derby mode. 
Entry #3 (10:00 p.m. The day before the derby)
The track and chairs are set up. Thank goodness for the men who came and helped.  It would have taken so long without them. Sadly, we couldn't get the computer to work.  There is a possibility that I could still get it to work. I'm going to go and try a couple more things tomorrow morning. We'll see.  If not, I'm prepared to run it without the computer.  And I'm hungry.  And I'm tired.  And I'm anxious to make it to tomorrow night around this same time!
Entry #4 (5:30 a.m. Derby day) Well, I just had a ROTTEN night of sleep.  It started out right, before 11 p.m., I think.  But Emmeline has something bothering her and woke me up every single hour.  Then a massively loud thunder storm finished her job at 4:10 a.m..  It also woke her up so I fed her and put her back to bed.  She'll probably sleep like a baby for a few more hours, while I brave the elements and hope the rain doesn't come back.  Yep, I'm going out there in about 10 minutes to walk with my friend Jenni.  Yes, we're crazy, but we like it.  We walk 3 miles 5 days a week and we hate to miss it on stressful days.  Today is bound to be one.  While I was thinking about sleeping last night I think I remembered that the computer gave the same error last year but that it actually worked. Well, two of the sensors worked.  So, now I have to go and check out things a different way. I wish desperately that I had a babysitter today.  It's going to be a challenge to pull this off with Clara and Audrey and Emmeline.  But, since I apparently have Superwoman tatooed on my forehead, I must be up to the task. 
Entry #5 10:18 a.m. Derby day

I just finished the prizes for the boys.  I have trophies for the top 4 winners, but I always like to give something to each boy.  They put in so much work and hope into their cars and I think they should each go home with something to recognize their efforts.  I posted some about my project earlier.  Well, my bright idea to coat them in envirotex lite wasn't such a bright idea.  It caused the markers to bleed.  That was really disappointing since they were permanent markers.  I've used it over paint before and never had a problem, but this didn't work out so well.  Now I know.  Sadly, I don't have 5 or 6 hours to redo the entire project so I'm just going with it.  Here are the photos:

 

AFTER THE DERBY

Yea! It's over.  I AM SO RELIEVED!!!!  When I went over yesterday to finish setting up, the computer worked.  I was so excited.  When I went over to run the derby, the computer wouldn't work anymore.  I wasted a good bit of time trying to get the program to load, but it just wouldn't.  I'm not sure if I forgot something or not, but after about 20 minutes we decided to run it with the brackets I had made.  It would have been so terrible if I hadn't been prepared with those spreadsheets and if I hadn't been lucky enough to have 7 people helping. We had one person guarding the gate, three people judging the line, 2 people recording the scores, one person making kids scoot back when they got too close, and me telling the boys when it was their turns to race and whatever else happened to come out of my mouth.  I called on non-cubscouts to pull the gate lever.  I think that was fun for people.  So, in the end, it all worked out.  We ran two rounds of 11 heats each, so each boy got to go down 8 times.  Then we had a race off for second and third place and had to run 4 heats for that before one of them became a winner. Those cars were so closely matched.  The kids who won were thrilled and all of the boys seemed to really like their pins. That made it definitely worth making them! I am just so glad it's over, really.  I don't get a break, but things get easier for the rest of the year.  I just have to coordinate camp and run pack meeting, but nothing huge and spectacular, although I do plan on doing a big slip,n'slide at a park.  That's going to be fun!

Dear Mother Nature,

My garden is in, and I have just one request.  Could you find the compassion in your cold cold heart to keep the weather above freezing from now until October? Pretty pretty please with sugar on top? It's been a long day.  I got up at 6:30, late for me, but I thought it was 7:30 so I hurried out of bed.  I went to get my two wonderful Bountiful Baskets and then hurried to watch my sons play a really long soccer game.  When I came home, my awesome neighbor offered me a truck full of sand for free.  I don't have anywhere prepared for it, but my driveway had an available spot and I couldn't turn down free sand, free memories for my children, free gritty happy messiness, could I?  I loved my sandbox growing up, at least until the day I found my missing pet rabbit buried in the sand. But, before that, I loved it.  I loved it so much, it was worth spending 3 hours unloading that sand onto the driveway and it will be worth all the rest of the work to make it a home.  Anyway, you don't really care about that, being a fictional force of nature, but I can say what I want because this is my blog.  So, in between a birthday party and a pinewood derby car weigh in, and 3 little neighbor girls playing over here for a few hours ( they were so well behaved), my husband and I each made trips to nurseries to buy flowers and vegetables for our garden. I threw together a quick dinner. And then we planted.  I think I spent about 4 hours planting.  And all I'm really asking is that all my hard work doesn't get obliterated in a freak storm that doesn't belong in the month of May.  I know I am being reasonable.  Can you be reasonable too?  We have ENOUGH snow in the mountains and we don't need or want any more in the valleys.  Keep your freezes to yourself and leave my tomatoes, peppers, asparagus, cabbage, swiss chard,cucumbers, broccoli, butternut squash, zuchinni, crook neck squash, and EVERYTHING else ALONE.  Thank you!

Little Shark, Little Shark. Emmeline is 1!!!!!!

One year ago, on a rainy day in May, Emmeline started her journey into the world. My labor was very long, which is usually unusual for me. After all, my last labor had lasted 39 minutes from the first indication of anything and consisted of roughly 8 contractions. This time was different. I went in to see my midwife for my 39 week appointment and found out I was 6 cm dilated. I had gone on my daily 3 mile walk that morning and felt light contractions throughout, which continued the entire day. Membrane stripping and cohosh didn't really kick it into high gear. I just kept having easy contractions. Over the next 15 hours my cervix effaced fully and the baby's head descended as far as it could while I stayed 6 cm dilated. It turns out I had an amniotic sac of steel. It was bulging out and effectively stalling any more cervical dilation.  It actually bent my midwife's hook when she tried to break my water.  She was successful on the second try and 20 minutes later, Emmeline Adelle Pitts, aka Little Shark, Lemon, or Lemon Lime, swam up out of a seriously awesome birthing tub and greeted her grateful parents. We'll never forget our surprise at her copious amounts of sun kissed looking hair.  Fast forward 12 months.
Despite one terrifying trip to the E.R. and numerous unplanned "trips" down the stairs, Emmeline has made it to her first birthday! Hooray! We are so in love with this little girl.  In just 12 months, she has gone from an adorable newborn lump baby to a talking, eating, singing, playing, walking rascal.  Emmeline loves belonging to a big family.  Who wouldn't like being hugged, kissed, and adored by multiple people throughout the day? 
Here is an update about the most important aspects of Emmeline's life:

Sleeping- Sleeping is for babies. Emmeline is a baby.  Emmeline needs to sleep.  She doesn't quite grasp this simple yet profoundly true logic, but she is doing okay in the sleep department.  She sleeps from about 9-7 and takes one to two naps every day.  Sometimes she goes down like a lamb to the slaughter and other times she goes down like a cat taking a bath.

Eating- Food, glorious food! This baby can eat! Emmeline loves just about everything we put in front of her. She has never had the "pleasure" of eating from a jar of baby food or drinking from a bottle, but always gets to eat whatever we are eating.  When she was six months old, there was a new recommendation for feeding babies, overturning the "rules" that had been in place for about 25 years. The new rules- Babies can eat just about everything once they turn 6 months old, including nuts, as long as allergies do not run in the family.  Well, they don't run in my family, so this little kiddo has been eating everything except for honey for the last 6 months.  If you ask her if she wants ice cream, she gets a silly excited grin on her face.  She is really looking forward to smearing cake all over her face tonight.

Playing- Is there anything better in life than having your job description include "play all day"?  I doubt it.  Emmeline is doing well at her job and will continue in her current assignment for a few more years.  Some of her favorite activities are 1) getting in the way of whatever the big kids are playing with 2)unloading the ziploc bags 3)crawling a few feet up the slide and getting pushed down by whichever older sibling comes down next and 4) playing the piano and dancing

Talking- This little girl is a jibber jabber maniac! Emmeline is all about making noise and being heard.  The screams that come out of her body are shocking. They just don't sound like something that should come out of such a little person.  When she isn't screeching, she likes to used civilized forms of communication.  Her current vocabulary includes- Mommy, MahMaw( Grandma), Daddy, up, baby, yah( yes), nigh nigh, bye, and hi.  She has said a few words one time, like Reuben, Clara, Audrey, and redonkulous.  Okay, she didn't say redonkulous. 

Walking- It was bound to happen.  I knew it would happen.  And, it did, in fact, really truly, no kidding, actually happen.  Emmeline can walk. She took her first steps a couple of weeks ago and she is practicing constantly.  She loves to stand up in the middle of the floor with nothing to hold onto and then take a couple of steps before sitting back down.  She has a much greater walking ability than she realizes, so will only take a few steps unassisted, but she loves to just stand around.  Emmeline digs her little toes down into the floor to try and maintain her balance.  It's really adorable!

We have loved watching Emmeline learn all these new things over the last year.  She is pure joy. We love her from the tips of her soft wavy hair to the bottoms of her tickly toes.  We love her scrunchy happy nose and her giggly gapped toothy smile.  We love the feel of her, small and warm, cuddling in for some love or comfort.  We love the sparkle of happiness in her eyes when one of us picks her up.  We love her ambitious spirit and the way she fits into our family as the Pitts family caboose.  Happy Birthday Emmeline!

Emmeline greatly enjoyed her birthday. She spoke a new word,"out", had her first ring pop, and took one hour to eat her cake and ice cream. Her homemade caterpillar cake wasn't fancy, but it was sooo tasty. smothered in real whipped cream.

Long Suffering

I know that I don't really know serious suffering, when compared with what I see other people going through.  I have never had a close relative die, not yet anyway.  I know that is inevitable, unless I die first, but I haven't experience it yet. All of my children are relatively healthy.  I've never been homeless.  I've never been hungry, except by choice.  My hometown hasn't been destroyed by a tsunami or an earthquake.  I'm not waiting to find out if my family died in a tornado.  Nobody in my family has cancer.  I mean, I know how truly blessed I am and how many terrible horrible bad and really truly awful things could happen to my family that haven't- yet. I have had some trials and bouts of suffering that were hard for me to bear, things like terrible morning sickness, being poor, living away from family, parenting challenges, marriage issues, and health challenges.  Some of the things I've been through are too personal to share with most people and others might look at me and my life and think that I don't know true suffering.  I probably do that to other people too.  I try not to.  The more trials I get to experience, the more I understand that just about everyone is going through something that is really hard for them.  It may not be something that will cause death or a permanently affect life, but it is still hard.  So, while I qualified this post at the beginning by saying that I don't "know serious suffering", I don't really think that is true for most people by the end of life.  And it isn't true of me.  Everyone has troubles and everyone has blessings.  I have experienced trials that I never thought I would be able to bear, trials I can't imagine volunteering to go through, trials that gave me the opportunity to strip down my life and my heart to the most basic components and rely on my Savior Jesus Christ and the power of the atonement to pull me through.  While, I never would have picked some of my trials, I am so grateful for the things I learned in dealing with them.  It's one thing to believe in the atonement and it's another to use it in every aspect possible- to repent, to find a way to forgive, and to heal a hurting heart.  It is real.
 I am so grateful that I got to know the atonement in a very personal way years ago before getting my current trial. I've complained about it a ton, so most people know that I have trouble with my mouth.  Just over a year ago I started to have pain in one of my molars when I chewed on it.  I went in to the dentist and had an xray and exam and he couldn't find anything wrong. He told me to try sensitive toothpaste and I did with no relief.  2 months later I gave birth to Emmeline and was busily immersed in caring for her.  When she was a couple of weeks old, my tooth broke while eating a bowl of chili.  I was pretty horrified because this had never happened to me before and I'm really upset whenever I have to get a filling.  It has something to do with a part of my tooth being drilled away and being gone FOREVER.  I worry that I won't have any teeth left by the time I'm 50 and I'll have to get dentures or implants. My tooth just randomly breaking off sent me into a physical mode of panic.  I was hyperventilating.  It freaked me out in a big way.  I went in for an emergency filling because it was a Saturday.  I thought my troubles were over, but they were just beginning.  After the filling, I didn't chew on that tooth for a couple of weeks.  It wasn't the same as before.  It was shorter and it felt funny.  But, I finally decided to trust it and chew on it and everything was going fine for a week or so, until the 4th of July breakfast for Judd's parents' ward.  My tooth was suddenly sensitive to cold.  I went back into the dentist and he told me to try sensitive toothpaste again.  Over the next week I developed pain in my chewing muscles and my teeth all started to hurt.  My top teeth felt like they were being squeezed together and they started to hit my bottom teeth when I talked.  All of my teeth hurt. My top teeth started to move a tiny bit when I ate food or talked or touched them and I can hear this little click.  It's really gross and upsetting.  Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't.  Nobody knows why.
 I went back into the dentist.  He put me on motrin for two weeks to try and reduce inflammation.  That didn't work.  He made me a small mouth guard. That didn't work.  I went to another dentist for another opinion.  He wanted to equilibrate my teeth ( shave them here and there to improve my bite) and make me another mouth guard and give me a crown- for $2,500.  I went back to my dentist. I think I went to my dentist 8 or 9 times last summer.   He referred me to a jaw specialist who told me my bite is terrible and that I'm grinding and clenching and that I need braces and physical therapy. I was pretty happy about that.  It seemed right to me.  I could feel that my bite was wrong.  It used to feel fine, but somehow it became so very wrong.  Throughout all of this, my symptoms never went away, but sometimes got a little better and other times were so bad that it became really difficult to be nice to people.  I went to an orthodontist for a consultation.  He said I needed jaw surgery because my palate needs to be expanded.  Because I am an adult and have a fused palate, it must be done surgically.  That was in October of last year.  I also went to see the P.T.  She helped me learn a lot about jaw problems- specifically TMJ. I don't actually have TMJ, because I don't have any deterioration of my jaw joint, but I have similar problems.  I learned how to sleep correctly, how to talk correctly, how to stand correctly, how to relax when I feel my jaw tightening, how to be careful and protect my jaw from hyper extending my ligaments that are weak and like to move in ways that they shouldn't.  Who knew that being able to bend my pinkies completely backwards is a bad thing?  Anyway, that was helpful, but when I went to see the oral surgeon, everything came crashing down.  The surgery, which is completely scary to me and involves actually cutting all my teeth off and apart and then pinning me back together, costs $10,000. The braces are $5,000.  At this point, I had paid over $1,000 just to try and find out what was wrong with me.  We have one child in braces and one with a palatal expander.  Two of our kids have glasses and need them replaced twice a year or more because their eyes are changing so quickly.  They don't have insurance for those things.  I don't have any insurance at all- long story, but I'm uninsurable. The oral surgeon doesn't take payments.  And I don't have $10,000, or even enough extra money to put it on a 0% interest credit card for a year and pay it off, at the same time as paying for the braces, which must go on for 6 months before the surgery.  I feel very strongly, after much prayer and several priesthood blessings, that I am supposed to get the braces and the surgery.  It's been 7 months since I found out I needed them and I haven't done anything.  Well, except live in pain every single day.  Some or all of my teeth hurt all the time. I get sores from rubbing against the mouth guard. The muscle pain comes and goes and I keep on massaging and practicing deep breathing.  It isn't as bad as it was at first because I've learned some things to help me not make things worse, like NEVER letting my teeth touch EVER.  But, sometimes they do.  My jaw muscles are whacked and my teeth smack together with no warning when I am talking.  It hurts a little at first and then it hurts more later for a long time.  I still wear my little mouth guard and I chatter my teeth against it at night without meaning to. In the morning sometimes my teeth vibrate like a wind up toy I have another tooth that is going crazy with sensitivity, even though I've been using sensitive toothpaste for a year.  It just hurts for no good reason.  It was getting better, but now it's getting worse again.
 I dream of a day when I won't think about my teeth once during that day.  I dream of a day where I can eat crunchy or hard food again, or ever just chew normally, where I don't bite my cheeks in my sleep and get sores, where I can talk without it feeling like my mouth and lips belong to an alien.  I dream of owning my mouth again and loving my mouth again and my muscles calming down and my teeth aligning properly.  I don't know when I will get the braces.  I wanted to wait until my baby was older and she is getting older now.  We had to wait to try and save some money, and we are still working on that.  $15,000 is a lot of money. So, this is my trial that is teaching me a little bit about long suffering, or suffering for a long time.  It's teaching me about patience.  It is increasing my empathy for the suffering of others.  It is helping me to curb bad habits like talking too much and biting my fingernails. It even helped me lose the baby weight. There are always blessings mixed in with the trials. Always. I do not know how or when this pain will end, or even if it will. But I do know that with God nothing is impossible and that I will either be healed or I will be given the strength I need to suffer with patience. Part of me wishes I were strong enough to never talk about, to never complain. Another part of me believes people should be more open about trials and let others in instead of pretending everything is okay. I learn from the strength and examples of those who suffer long. I watch my neighbor who needs a wheelchair to get around. He has a disease that will kill him eventually. But, he doesn't let it keep him down. Last week he came over with his daughter and got on his hands and knees in my parking strip and taught me, and helped me pull up a long section of grass.  His arms are really strong. His spirit is even stronger. I guess that is the goal in the end, to overcome the physical body, whatever maladies befall us, and to find a way for our true selves, our spiritual selves, to rise above the physical and become something wonderful in spite of it.  Part of the blessing of the physical body is problems that come with it and teach us things we can't learn any other way, many times at price that is too painful to be willing to pay, but that we pay anyway because we have no choice.  I know this is really long and rambling.  Sorry.  Usually, I write things like this in my personal journal and I don't worry about how long it is.  Maybe it's a little preachy too.  I'm not going for that.  I know I have a ton more living and learning to do.  I just wanted to share this slice of my life.  Maybe it will help someone.  Maybe nobody is ever going to read this, but maybe someone will read it who is having a completely different but completely overwhelming trial, and it will help.  Maybe I will read this again in 5 years and it will help me. If my mouth is still hurting in 5 years, I'll need it!  And if my house burns down, I want this to float around in cyberspace so I can always find it.  I'm feeling like this is really cheesy right now and the temptation to just erase it is getting strong, but I'm going to resist. I know to a lot of people the pain I am suffering is something they would gladly trade their suffering for, and I wouldn't blame them.  I wouldn't trade with the 29 year old mother of 5 with stage 3 breast cancer.  I wouldn't trade with my poor mother, afflicted with so many physical ailments we are calling her Jobette.  I'm not trying to say I'm going through something so intensely horrible that nobody has ever suffered this much and nobody could understand.  I know others have suffered this much and more, and I know that Jesus Christ understands.  It's so humbling to me, so hard to comprehend how He bore all of our pain and suffering.  Yet, I know that He did and that He does understand and lift me up.  And I know that when the harder things come in my life, some of those really awful things like death, cancer, or who knows what, that He will see me through them too.