Courageous Parenting- Lusty Lyrics and other Musical Maladies

My husband recently brought up the fact that our little girls aren't treating each other in the kindest manner lately.  There has been a lot of yelling, hitting, and arguing going on.  As we have tried to figure out why this is happening, one thing stands out as a possible, even likely, contributor, to this problem.

It is music.

  One of our daughters loves modern music.  She checks it out from the library in the form of KidzBop CD's.  She watches music videos online, with permission of course.  She is constantly singing current music, and I have no idea where she learns it!  

I don't usually listen to radio music.  When I was a kid, my dad said we couldn't listen to music on the radio.  The only exceptions were the Oldies and Classical.  I led a very sheltered musical life.  We owned cassettes of show tunes, church music, jazz, movie soundtracks, kid music and opera.  People thought I was weird, and I didn't understand a lot of references.  I may have been naive, but I'm grateful for it.  

I just read an article that shows a link with the lyrics in music and our behavior. This isn't a new thing, but here's just another study backing up what we all know to be true inside.  Music affects us.  

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865652703/Literal-lyrics-The-effects-of-sex-violence-and-misogyny-in-popular-music.html?pg=3

“Music will do exactly what it is written to do. How you put lyrics to music and what music you choose to listen to affects just about every part of your life,” he said. “The thing I want to do is teach my students how to make their own decisions based on how things make you feel and act. Do they go along with your moral compass? There’s a ton of good in almost all genres, but there are some that are a subculture. They intend to be bad, and they want to drag people to a dark place. It can take you to the highest peaks and lowest valleys.”

I'm not alleging that all modern music is bad.  Nope. That would be stupid.  And I'm not stupid.  What I am saying is that the lyrics in the music we listen to MATTER.  They affect us profoundly, whether we want them to affect us or not.  And we need to be aware that the artists who write these lyrics are also profoundly aware of their messages- they are intentional.  

I told my daughter that I thought she was listening to some songs that might not have the best messages.  I asked her to tell me a song she likes, and we looked up the lyrics. As I read them out loud, possibly mixed with some mocking, and my family guffawed, it became apparent that the message was not wholesome. I offer up one of the songs and my uncensored analysis ( in red) to prove my point.  "Call Me Maybe"

I threw a wish in the well, 
Don't ask me, I'll never tell
( but she actually does tell)
I looked to you as it fell,
And now you're in my way
  (what does this even mean?)

I'd trade my soul for a wish,
( and we now introduce the devil, and her willingness
to trade her soul for her shallow desires)
Pennies and dimes for a kiss
I wasn't looking for this,
But now you're in my way
 (still wondering what this means, but it sounds rude at the least)

Your stare was holdin',
Ripped jeans, skin was showin'
( immodest dress, and I don't want to know about it)
Hot night, wind was blowin'
Where do you think you're going, baby?
(This is not a nice way to talk, and why is she calling him baby? They just met, according to the next line)

Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
(It is crazy)
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe!
(What does she mean by maybe? I don't really care, but I don't want my 8 year old listening to a song about a girl who would sell her soul and gives out her number to strangers.)

It's hard to look right
At you baby,
(Why? This is just weird, and I don't like it)
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe!

Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe!
( I'm having the bad kind of dejavu)

And all the other boys,
Try to chase me,
( I also don't want my 8 year old thinking about boys chasing her)
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe!
( and I'm getting tired of these lyrics)
You took your time with the call,
I took no time with the fall
You gave me nothing at all,
But still, you're in my way

(What did she expect him to give her?  Is she alluding to intimate behavior?  I'm not sure.  I'm not sure what this means at all, except that it is not a nice way to talk)

I beg, and borrow and steal
(so now she's a thief?)
At first sight and it's real
( No, it is not real)
I didn't know I would feel it,
But it's in my way
(So, is she saying she fell in love at first sight, and she's annoyed by that?  Not sure, but the notion of love at first sight is ridiculous .The correct term is LUST)

Your stare was holdin',
Ripped jeans, skin was showin'
Hot night, wind was blowin'
Where you think you're going, baby?

( I like this even less the second time)

Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe!

It's hard to look right
At you baby,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe!

Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe!

And all the other boys,
Try to chase me,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe!

(So, she couldn't think of any more lyrics, since there isn't much to say about a relationship that doesn't exist, so she just repeats the same thing over and over.)

Before you came into my life
I missed you so bad
I missed you so bad
I missed you so, so bad
( This is just inane, and again, a concept I don't want my child romaticizing, that you could miss someone you've never met. I don't want her looking for instant love)
Before you came into my life
I missed you so bad
And you should know that
I missed you so, so bad (bad, bad)

It's hard to look right
At you baby,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe!
( Why is it hard to look right at you baby?)
Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe!

And all the other boys,
Try to chase me,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe!

Before you came into my life
I missed you so bad
I missed you so bad
I missed you so, so bad

Before you came into my life
I missed you so bad
And you should know that

So call me, maybe!

( and yet again a repeat of the same ridiculous stuff as before)
So in summary, this song is about a girl who sees a boy at a wishing well, where she is willing to sell her soul for some LUST.  One of them is dressed immodestly, not sure which.  She gives him her number and then plays hard to get, but she's also madly in love with him and wants him to know that other boys are chasing her, and that she would MAYBE like him to call her.  Oh, and she might be a thief. 

Okay, I'm done writing in red. All joking aside, this song may not be about violence or obviously about sex.  But, what is it about?  Lust?  Confusion?  Talking rudely and disrespectfully?  What is the message that it sends to my daughter?  What thoughts and feelings does she have when she sings it?

Is it VIRTUOUS,
LOVELY,
of GOOD REPORT,
or PRAISEWORTHY?
-see 13th article of faith

Well, no, it isn't.  There is nothing in the message of this song that I want my children carrying in their minds or hearts.  These are not the words that I want popping up to help them make decisions or to comfort them in trying times.  Yet, somehow, it's creeping into our lives.  And I'm finding myself at a crossroads. This thing could go either way, and I have the power to direct and guide the course.  I have that parental premonition that is warning me RIGHT NOW to do something.  It isn't that we don't already have rules and that we haven't already strived to model good music listening habits. We do have rules to listen to good music. We try to only listen to songs with good messages.  But, as technological access explodes exponentially, the game is changing.  I cannot just TELL my kids not to listen to "bad" music and protect them by keeping it out of my home.  I have to TEACH them to choose wisely.  I can and I will ban inappropriate music in my home, but in order to truly reach my children, I need to also teach them the principles behind WHY and help them choose for themselves.  So, as silly as it seems, this game of analyzing the lyrics is very serious, and it is going to be our new musical activity for my daughter and the songs she likes.  I will sit down with her and guide her in creating and applying a litmus test to determine if a song is a good choice.  The questions might look something like this:

How do I feel while listening to this song?

What do I think about?

Do I feel like I want to help, serve, or be kind?

What is the message?

What is this song about?

Does this song promote anything that is against my personal code of conduct or my beliefs?

I think the biggest danger in songs, for my kids anyway, isn't in the blatantly obvious "dirty" songs, but in the songs that become wildly popular- the ones that get sung and danced to in school dances, talent shows, on the playground, and on the bus.  I can't stop any of that from happening, but I can help my kids to become aware of the lyrics and to make conscious choices not to be subconsciously brainwashed by them.  Music bypasses our defenses. It is a powerful tool that can be used to bring us closer to God or to encourage carnal desires.  Words alone are so powerful.  Catchy tunes combined with words creates an invasive message, whether we want it stuck in our minds or not.  The songs we listen to over and over embed themselves into our souls.  Right now, as I wrap this up, a song is playing in my head- unintentionally, but surely welcome.  "Be still my soul. The Lord is on thy side. With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.  Leave to thy God to order and provide; in every change he faithful will remain. Be still, my soul, Thy best, thy heavenly friend thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end."

I'm ready.  I know God is on my side.  I know He will help my husband and me to balance teaching our daughter about good music so that she, and our other kids, can consciously choose music that is praiseworthy. 

I'm too busy and stressed out, so I think I'll be PTA President

If I weren't me, I would think I was full on crazy.  As it is, I know that I am only a little bit crazy.  In a blog post in January, I opened up and shared the struggles I've been having for the last 7 months or so with anxiety and chronic pain.  Not knowing these things were coming, last Spring I felt prompted to take a year off from intense PTA service, just helping here and there as I've been able.

So, what changed?  Strangely, nothing has changed.

Well, that's not true.  One thing has changed. The answer to the question changed. Last year when I prayed and pondered about being on the PTA board, the answer was clearly "No".  This year, when I prayed about the idea of being PTA President, the answer is yes.

I'm still plagued with random anxiety.  I still wake up almost every day with a sense of dread.  I still experience scattered episodes of heart pounding, muscles tensing, and irrational feelings.  But, I don't feel it all the time and I know it passes.  I still don't know why I have so much pain in my foot. . . both feet now.  I don't know if it's muscular or neurological.  I have started to be aggressive in trying to figure it out and I'm hopeful to find some answers in the next few months.  Since I fell down a few steps last week and sprained my "good" ankle, I will be going to PT soon for both feet. And I get to see a neurologist on Friday. Hopefully some really painful nerve testing is in my future. I'm ready to face whatever the answers may be.
Anyway, so why would a person experiencing these trials, with 6 very busy kids, decide to be PTA President?

People get answers to prayers in different ways. Some people hear spoken words, some find answers in scriptures or words from a person, feelings, or thoughts in their minds. However they come, they are accompanied by a confirmation from the Holy Ghost. They bring peace, a lasting peace, and an ability to move forward with faith, acting on the prompting or answer.  For me, when the answer was no, I felt a stupor of thought.  It was like a mental wall that would not allow me to even consider the possibility of serving on the PTA Board.  When the answer was yes, it was like a seed had been planted in my mind and heart and it was growing like crazy. I couldn't stop thinking about it, and ideas just started flooding my brain. I also felt the warm tingly feeling in my heart when I prayed about   So, I'm supposed to be PTA President. Wow!

I am really excited to do this! And my friends and family have my back, so I know I won't be alone.  One of the things that we do at our school is pick a theme for the PTA for each year.  Many PTAS have a fundraising theme, something cute to encourage parents to join the PTA. But, we take it one step further by having a theme that we use throughout the year.  The school joins along in using and implementing the theme.  It's kind of a big deal.  In the past we've had themes such as:

Heroes ( Super Hero Fox)
Team Fox Hills
Shoot For the Stars (May the Fox Be With You - Jedi Fox)
Building a World of Education ( minecraft and lego)
Unless ( From the Lorax, Unless someone like you cares a whole lot, nothing's going to change, it's not)  We did Dr. Seuss stuff all year

So, it's my turn to pick a theme.  Our school is Fox Hills.  I'm going with . . . . .imagine a very awesome drumroll right now. . . . . . . . . . .

F. O. X.

This stands for Focus on Excellence.

This theme has a two-fold meaning for me.  The first is to encourage the children to focus on their talents rather than dwelling on their weaknesses.  Every person ever born has something special about him/her, one or more talents that should be discovered, developed, and celebrated.  While it's important to be aware of our weaknesses and to work on them, I want to focus on the kids' strengths and potential.  I want them to focus on their strengths- and to focus on the strengths of others as well. That leads into the second component of what this theme means for me.  When we look for talents in ourselves and others, it is easier to let go of the natural inclination to be competitive.  While there is a time for competition, most of the time, in real life, is not the time to compete, but a time to work together. At a meeting a few months ago, my friend Jennette Booth, said something in a way that really touched me.  It was about serving in the church, but it applies in life.  She said that when we come together we bring our weaknesses and our strengths.  We may be strong where our friend is weak, and our friend may be strong where we are weak.  Our weaknesses can be likened to gaps.  When we come together, work together, and help each other, we fill each other's gaps. This fusion of friendship creates something unique that we couldn't do alone.  Our talents combine and strengthen not only each other, but the group as a whole, and we are stronger than the sum of our parts.

I am counting on FOX to get me through being PTA President.  I'm counting on a lot of parents volunteering and bringing their strengths to the table.  I'm counting on my kids stepping up and filling in some the gaps to help me out. I know my husband will help. He's already volunteered to be Reflections Chair! It's going to be a wild ride, but I know I'm supposed to do it. So, even though I announced this on facebook on April Fool's Day, it's not a joke.  I'm really going to be PTA President next year!  I plan to get a lot of volunteers by using my "Texas" smile when I ask for help.