I was lucky enough to get to speak in another ward last Sunday as a companion speaker with the high counselor. The topic was dear to my heart and I'd like to share my talk with my blog following friends. Happy Thanksgiving. May we all find something to be grateful for today!
Finding Blessings in Trials- How Gratitude Blesses Me As I Face Adversity
I have read the beginning of the Book of Mormon dozens of times. Many of you are thinking these very words right now “I Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father” But, my memorization skills tend to falter right there. I finished another cycle of studying the Book of Mormon a few weeks ago, so I started again. As I read this first verse yet again, what comes next stuck out to me for the first time. It reads, “and having seen many afflictions, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days.”
Nephi had to leave his hometown, which was later destroyed, with very little notice. He had to return two times, once he was required to kill a man, and later to bring back a wife. He didn’t get to choose whom he would marry. He was mocked by his brothers as he followed God. He was violently physically abused and nearly killed- by his BROTHERS. His life was full of trials. And in his own words, in the very first verse we have from him, he also tells us that he was highly favored of the Lord in ALL of his days.
Nephi knew how to recognize the blessings in his life, not just in the good times, but especially during the trials.
President Uchtdorf taught us:
It is easy to be grateful for things when life seems to be going our way. But what then of those times when what we wish for seems to be far out of reach?
Could I suggest that we see gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation? In other words, I’m suggesting that instead of being thankful for things, we focus on being thankful in our circumstances—whatever they may be.
Neph knew how to be grateful all the time, whatever the circumstances.
“My dear brothers and sisters, the choice is ours. We can choose to limit our gratitude, based on the blessings we feel we lack. Or we can choose to be like Nephi, whose grateful heart never faltered. When his brothers tied him up on the ship—which he had built to take them to the promised land—his ankles and wrists were so sore “they had swollen exceedingly,” and a violent storm threatened to swallow him up in the depths of the sea. “Nevertheless,” Nephi said, “I did look unto my God, and I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions.”4- Uchtdorf
When I was 13 years old, my father lost his job. He was unable to find employment for quite some time until he found a job overseas. For the next year, he worked in the harsh wilderness of Siberia for 6 weeks on and 6 weeks off. It was very hard for our family for him to be gone so much. Eventually, my dad was able to secure employment that allowed us to be with him. With only a few weeks notice, in the fall of 1992, just one year after the fall of communism, 6 of us moved to Moscow, Russia. For a while, I thought my life was over. Instead of starting 9th grade, I got to start homeschool in the large hallway of our 1100 sq.ft apartment. Instead of being 1st chair in the symphonic band, a right I had earned at the end of 8th grade, I played the clarinet alone for my private instructor. Instead of mutual activities, well, nothing. Instead of TV, videotapes. Instead of sunshine, we had snow. I had to get rid of almost all of my belongings. I was allowed to bring a duffle bag of clothing and one rubbermaid tote of personal belongings. And I got to keep one apple box full of “treasures.” in storage. And this is why I’m not making the big bucks selling my original My Little Ponies on ebay. Instead of a large ward in Dallas Texas, we attended a small branch of recent Russian converts- in Russian of course. For a week or so after moving there, I allowed myself to wallow in pity. I was only 14 and hadn’t experienced very many hardships. This was new territory for me. This pity party culminated in my sister and I crying our eyes out until we started laughing hysterically on our blow up mattresses one night, until we decided- we were stuck there- we might as well make the best of it. So, we did. And, isn’t it funny how, once you embrace a challenge, it changes you in ways that a stroll down easy street never can?
Russia changed me. I would NEVER have chosen it. I would NEVER have chosen to miss going to High School and all the other things I didn’t get to do. Once my attitude changed, I would NEVER want to take it away. We had so many blessed experiences, from assisting with international adoption, to serving in orphanages, being member missionaries, supporting full time missionaries, serving in the branches, moving to Vladivostok and introducing the church in that city of 600,000 people, and learning first hand how very blessed we are to live in America. I will never take for granted soft toilet paper, peanut butter, baking powder, clean streets, or fully stocked grocery stores. I also learned how to be happy without them- except soft toilet paper.
But, most importantly, I learned in Russia to look for the blessings in my life. I didn’t always have a perfect attitude. One day I sat in a youth meeting, conducted in Russian, and I was feeling bored. I made some comment to that effect to the missionary sitting next to me. He asked to borrow my scriptures. I handed them over and he wrote in them. At first I was angry at him, but I soon came to feel deep gratitude. On the blank page at the beginning of my Book of Mormon, he had written, “Your attitude determines your altitude.” Once I got over the shame of the reprimand, I was grateful for the message. I can choose my attitude, whatever my circumstances. I can look for the good. I can look for the blessings and truly experience a grateful heart.
As I have been studying the scriptures these last few months, I have noticed a pattern of miracles accompanying ongoing afflictions. Like Nephi, the Brother of Jared was righteous and favored of God. We are all familiar with his story of his language being preserved at the tower of Babel, traveling in the wilderness and being directed to build barges to travel to the promised land. After building the barges, he realized they would not only suffocate with no air, but would suffer greatly with no light, and he took the matter to God in prayer. He was given an answer to cut holes in the top and bottom that could be stopped to prevent the water from coming in, but could also be opened to allow air. But, for the light, God said to the brother of Jared “What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels?” The Brother of Jared is a pure example of true faith - he worked hard, went into the mountain and did molten 16 clear stones, and then came to the Lord in prayer again and asked Him to touch them with his finger and give them light. And his faith was so strong that he saw the finger of the Lord as he touched the stones and was told “ never before has man come before me with such exceeding faith as thou hast”. His faith was so strong that the veil was fully parted and he saw Jesus Christ.
I think we can all agree this is one of the coolest miracles recorded in the Book of Mormon and that the Brother of Jared was a very righteous person. But, even after this miracle, Jared and his people loaded into 8 barges which would become their claustrophobic homes for almost a year as they traveled to their new home. Yes, they had air and they had light, but could the children run and play? Did they have soft beds? Books to read? Toys to play with? A nice variety of hot meals? Soap? Privacy? What was it like when the barges flipped over? The journey must have been very very difficult. God allowed these people not only to have guidance to make the trip possible, but a beautiful miracle of light to make it tolerable. He also allowed them to experience the afflictions of such a difficult journey. He could have put them to sleep and flown them to America in an airplane. Why didn’t he? Why did he allow them to still suffer? I think the answer is the same answer for all of us. God gives us tender mercies, and he even gives us miracles. He also allows us to have trials and afflictions to give us the chance to grow and to learn how to be happy and grateful in all circumstances.
Heavenly Father has blessed me with opportunities to find the blessings in trials and to focus on gratitude during afflictions. And I have learned, just as happened to Nephi and the Brother of Jared, and many others, it is often while we walk through the refining fire that life’s most beautiful miracles are given to us.
5 years ago in September of 2012, I had the privilege of undergoing major jaw surgery. The procedure, called a lefort osteotomy, included detaching my teeth by completely cutting through my upper jaw bone, reshaping it, and putting it all back together with 5 plates and 25 screws. I got to keep those in my face as a lifelong souvenir. My mouth was banded shut between 8 and 24 hours a day for a year. Before the surgery, I had been in some level of constant pain for over 2 years. Thankfully, once healed from that surgery, my mouth no longer hurt. Actually, for a few months I couldn’t feel my top teeth at all due to the nerves being cut during surgery! I learned a lot about patience and long suffering during that time. Just two months after that surgery, I elected to have another surgery for an unrelated condition. I had met my max out of pocket for the year, so it made sense. When they wheeled me back for surgery, I had to remove the bands keeping my jaw shut, and reminded them to be careful of my healing jaw when they intubated me. Shortly after the surgery, Brother Gary Thomas asked to meet with me to extend a new calling to me. I hobbled to his house three doors down from mine, and accepted the new calling and eventually I was set apart at church when I was able to attend again. The recovery from my first surgery was so difficult that my surgeon had advised me to to research the surgery beforehand, but it was necessary and successful. But, the recovery from this second surgery had also been very rough, and in the end, the surgery had not only failed, but left me with new and worsened symptoms that were debilitating. Because of this, I was in a great deal of pain and struggling to function normally and care for my 6 young children. I came into the room to be set apart by Brother Thomas. Before he began, I said to him. “Brother Thomas, I am not doing well. I need you to give me a powerful blessing so that I will be able to fulfill this calling.” These words were an understatement of what I was really feeling. I needed a miracle. He took my request in stride and proceeded to give me a beautiful blessing, in which he promised me that the symptoms I was having would gradually improve. I hadn’t given him any details about what was going on, but Heavenly Father knew what was going on, and gave him the words and the power to give me the blessing I needed. Over the next three months, bit by bit, those new symptoms did improve and resolve, but I was not magically healed from the original condition. I still have that and I likely will always have it. There are two ways I could have viewed this situation- I could express sadness, anger, and distress. I could question why God hadn’t healed me completely. These would be understandable reactions, and I did feel upset that the surgery had failed. But, instead of seeing my life through the window of sorrow, I chose to see the trial through the lens of the miracle. God did heal me from the new symptoms- exactly as much healing as I needed to be able to fulfill my mission. He was aware of me, my pain, and my suffering. He couldn’t take it all away. For some reason, it wouldn’t be best for me. But, I have noticed, that in every trial, there are blessings. Some are very easy to see, like physical healing or stones glowing and lighting a barge, or a ball of curious workmanship with messages and directions. Some are more subtle, like burdens becoming lighter or strength to withstand chronic pain. But, we must always look for them.
When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation. In grief, we can still lift up our hearts in praise. In pain, we can glory in Christ’s Atonement. In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven’s embrace.- Dieter F. Uchtdorf
The older I get, the more chances in life I have to practice feeling gratitude no matter what. I have been blessed with the trial of health problems and chronic pain for the last 7 ½ years. Would I take away that pain if I could? Probably. Would I take away how it has changed me? Never. So, I guess I wouldn’t really choose to take the pain away either- because the refinement is worth the suffering. Although, sometimes I think, “I’ve learned it. I’m ready to stop hurting now.”
President Uchtdorf taught us to keep an eternal perspective:
In any circumstance, our sense of gratitude is nourished by the many and sacred truths we do know: that our Father has given His children the great plan of happiness; that through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ, we can live forever with our loved ones; that in the end, we will have glorious, perfect, and immortal bodies, unburdened by sickness or disability; and that our tears of sadness and loss will be replaced with an abundance of happiness and joy, “good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over.”10- Uchtdorf
I know these things to be true and bear my testimony that when we are choose to feel gratitude, especially during trials, we will be filled with happiness and joy, no matter our circumstances, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
