How to Clean the Family Room

I am tempted to say there is something wrong with my children. But, I know it isn't true.

It's genetics.

I'm not sure exactly who or what to blame for all of our children inheriting messy genes, but the proof is in the pudding.  Judd and I are naturally messy.  He won't admit it, and I'm not going to elaborate in any way that would get me in trouble, other than to say he's messy.  And I'm messy too.  I've never enjoyed cleaning.


Allow me to clarify.

I enjoy clean.

I wish someone else would do it for me.

Now, my children have all inherited the same disease.  I imagine they have thoughts along these lines:

Why should I put my shoes away when I can just leave them on the floor in whatever random spot I decided to remove them? Then I have created a game for myself of hide and go seek when I need to find them.

And socks?  Well, they should probably get shoved in the couch cushions, or some other dark place where Mom won't find them until they have grown enough mold so that she can no longer identify their owner.

Popsicle sticks, candy wrappers, tissues, food particles. . . all of these clearly belong on the floor.  Right?
I think I remember learning something in school about taking the path of least resistance.

And toys, oh glorious toys. They hold my attention for at least 5 minutes, so I make sure to spread the parts all over the family room, and maybe also throw a few pieces downstairs, in the next room, behind the toilet, and of course shove a few in the couch cushions. It's just so convenient.

I know DVD's have cases, but it makes more sense to leave them out so that I can look at them.  And I can see them the best on the floor.

Stuffed animals get lonely and they can't breathe in the toy box.  They also need to be on the floor where I can see them and talk to them, you know, make sure they aren't lonely.

There's no point putting a game away if we might play it again in a month or two.

And even though Mom says to  put the cushions and pillows on the couch, well, I know better.  Mom is so silly.  Pillows are for building forts.  So are blankets, towels, sheets, tablecloths, brooms, chairs, ironing boards. Really, I will work with any material that I can find in the house.  I am sure Mom doesn't need it.

END CHILD THOUGHTS

Yep.  I think that about covers what they are thinking.  As I sit in this disgusting room, I am trying to muster the energy to gather them all together and make them clean up all of this toy/garbarge/movies/pillows/blankets MADNESS!  And I realize that I have a fantastic chart for cleaning your room, but I don't have one for the family room.  The need for such a chart is staring me in the face and squished under my feet as I type these very words.

So, here it is. I present to you. . .  How to clean the family room, a simple step by step guide for short people and even tall people that get claimed on my taxes.

1. As foreign as this idea seems, the floor of a common room, such as a family room, is meant to be bare of belongings.  Acceptable items are rugs and furniture. Everything else must go.  Please take a moment to mentally realign your thinking with this new concept.

2. Make the couches look like couches again, complete with cushions and pillows, and devoid of any and all belongings or garbage hiding in, on, or under the cushions.

3. Bookshelves.  These are so cool. They are for holding books.  I know, that's weird, isn't it?  Well, anyway, gather up the books on the floor and stand them upright on one of the 5 bookshelves in this room.

4. Now, let's move on. DVD's. They are round and shiny. They are pretty.  They belong in their special cases with little plastic sleeves.  This makes it so easy to find a movie when you want to watch them.  It makes the DVD's feel so nice and secure. Please put all of the stray DVD's in cases.

5. Don't be discouraged, but we need to talk about garbarge. Mom has placed these really cool plastic cans in the room. One is a garbage can. The other is a recycle can.  Put the garbage in the garbage can. This means things that cannot be recycled, like food that you weren't supposed to eat in here. It's also a good place for used tissues, carpet coated candy, and the lint from the vacuum.   Just about anything that is cardboard, plastic, or paper can be put in the recycle can.

6. Now, this next topic is embarrassing, but it must be addressed.  Clothes.  I know. This is silly, right? Who would take their clothes off in the family room?  Um.  We won't point fingers.  Just get them to the proper dirty clothes basket and we'll pretend it never happened.  This includes socks.

http://boogersonthewall.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/laundry-pile.jpg

7.  We're almost done. You can do this! You get to talk to the stuffed animals now. Give them some love while you pick them up and put them to bed in their nice spacious stuff animal condo, A.K.A. Great Big Rubbermaid Tote. They really will thank you.

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8. Dress up.  If you dressed up, you can dress down.  Even dress up clothes need a nap. They really prefer to be in the dress up boxes.  It's nice in there.


9. Quick! Gather up all the dishes that you used for your secret snacks and get them downstairs in the sink

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10. And finally, let's talk about toys and games.  Ugh.  I know. This is kind of overwhelming. There are a lot of them.  But, never fear. They all have a container. The pony container has a pretty pony drawn on the side. The duplo container says "Duplo".  The potato head container says, well, you get the picture. You can clean these up any way you like.  Honestly, you never should have let it get this bad. You never should have taken out a new tub of toys without cleaning up the first one. But, since you did, I'm going to help you out.  Shove all of the toys in a big pile. Gather all of the bins and game boxes that are empty.  Now pick something up and put it in the right bin or box.  If there are 100 things on the floor, do this 100 times. If there are 500, do it 500 times.

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Now, whatever is left over either belongs in someone's room, or another room in the house, or it is junk. Put it away or throw it out. Vacuum.

Relax.

You did it.

Way to go short people and dependents!