The Weirdest Church Calling I Ever Had (and probably none of you have had)

While chatting with a young lady who is about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime, attending my alma mater, Brigham Young University, I had the chance to reminisce about church callings.  I shared with her the story of meeting my husband through our mutual church calling during my second year of college, which was teaching Sunday School together every other Sunday.  We couldn't get our lessons planned, so. . . .we decided to date and the rest is history.

Anyway,  in a BYU ward, a VERY high percentage of the students accept church callings. Student wards lack nursery (really little people), Primary (medium little), and youth groups (bigger young people). The only  "old" people are in the bishopric, so pretty much every single ( no pun intended) person is able bodied and excited to serve. This presents a bit of a challenge for the bishop who must create and assign callings for an entire congregation within the first few weeks of school starting.   It's a daunting task, and to add to the challenge, there just aren't enough traditional callings to give one to every person. So, they get creative, resulting in things like two people teaching a class at the same time and only teaching every other week.  On top of that, BYU wards have multiple Sunday School classes, whereas most family wards have only one or two. So, we had something like 16 Sunday School teachers instead of 2-3. This was a pretty smart way to come up with callings.

However, in my Freshman ward the year before, the calling that I got wasn't quite. . . legitimate.  They say there are no small callings. They say there are no made up callings. But, well, I'm not sure I can agree with those things that "they" say. My calling was Relief Society Board Meeting Spiritual Message Leader.  That sounds good, right? Right? It's a nice long title and it included the word "Leader".

WRONG.

There's a chance that it could have been a decent, albeit incredibly easy calling.  But, it wasn't. And it was so disappointing.  I came to college straight from Vladivostok, Russia, where I was the only LDS teenage girl in a city of many millions of people.

I was used to being needed.

I was used to playing the piano for sacrament meeting, going on splits with missionaries, and doing anything and everything that was needed. I was used to being an example to the new members of our church.  And I was used to sacrificing- traveling an hour to and from church on public transportation with bad weather most of the year, going to more than one branch, being cold and hungry, all for the sake of the Gospel.

So, let's get back to my made up calling.  A Relief Society Board consists of the presidency of the women's organization, the teachers, the music people, the visiting teaching people, and the activities people.  It's a bunch of people.   I was asked to come to their monthly planning meeting and give them a VERY short inspirational thought. Think 5 minutes or less, but they really wanted it to last about 60 seconds.  After the prayer and my thought, the girls would divide up according to the different groups and plan things.

I was awkwardly excused to leave.  See, they didn't know what to do with me.  I wasn't needed, wanted, or welcomed to join a committee and help plan anything.
I'm not sure what the bishop intended with that calling, but the way it was implemented was an epic fail.  Instead of feeling needed, I felt like the fat kid on the playground, the oreo cookie that missed the frosting machine, like the banana popsicle, like the overpriced leftover Easter candy at Reams: nobody wanted me.   Luckily, I had good self esteem. Even though the monthly snub was hurtful, I didn't let it seep into the rest of my life.  I adored my experience in college and most of my experiences were truly wonderful.  But, the unintended lessons I learned remained.

People need to feel like they are needed.  If somebody wants to help, let them. That seems so obvious, but sometimes people in leadership positions can't let go of control enough to allow others to contribute. It would have been nice to be invited to stay for the meeting and maybe help formulate ideas for activities, or something.  Sometimes Moms get so good at being "domestic goddesses" that they fail to teach their kids how to cook, clean, and do their own laundry.  Sometimes people get stuck in a rut of doing something themselves because they can do it better than the people "under" them.  It's easy to think this way and it takes some conscious effort to turn this kind of thinking around, to see the damage that is being done.  People not only need to feel needed, but they will never become better at doing laundry by watching Mom do it for them.  Just like I have to do my own physical therapy for myself if I want to get stronger, I have to apply that principle to my work with others.  I have to let my kids do their own homework, laundry, and room cleaning, with assistance from me, but responsibility on them. And when I rule the universe next year as PTA president, um, I mean, when I facilitate the PTA program and activities next year, I need to let every person help who wants to help. And I need to step back and let them all do their best, even if it's not as good as I could have done. And let's face it, most of the time it is going to be so much better than what I would have done.  I am one person struggling to hold it all together.  I don't need to rule the world.  Maybe Relief Society Board Meeting Spiritual Message Leader is just right for me.

Family Home Evening/Scripture Journals

   

I believe in Family Home Evening and daily scripture study.  Even though my kids can sometimes behave like wildabeasts, I still have a strong testimony of the importance of both studying the scriptures as a family and spending time one evening a week learning the gospel and enjoying being together.
     Traditionally, FHE is held on a Monday evening.  We set aside this time and make every effort to keep it open.  It is sacred to our family. When something comes up on a Monday that is unavoidable, like a graded band concert, the whole family attends.
     As important as I feel FHE is, it can be a challenge with 6 kids who might be thinking more about dessert than anything else.  So, I'm always open to ways to improve this time. While at education week, I heard an idea from a religion professor and decided to do it with my family.

So. . . last night for our FHE activity we made FHE/Scripture journals. The concept is very simple.  I purchased nice notebooks, the kind that normally cost $1-$2, but go on sale for 50 cents this time of year. The kids get to have them during the FHE lesson and our daily morning scripture study.  They may draw pictures and take notes as desired to help them absorb what is being taught or discussed.  As soon as I heard the idea, I knew it would help at least two of my kids be less likely to do gymnastics off the couch during lessons.

Last night I introduced the idea and shared some statistics from the class where I heard about the journals.  In a nutshell, this professor has scientifically researched and discovered that taking notes increases the spiritual take away by about 8 percent.  Other things that help people feel the Spirit are pre-reading and participating orally at least 4 times.  Anyway, back to the journals.

I gave everyone a notebook and then offered up my complete stock of cardstock and stickers.  These babies date back to 1997 and I figured it was time to actually use some of them.  Everyone cut and glued for the next hour and a half until each member of my family was satisfied with his or her journal.  And here they are. . .

My book is influenced a conference talk about "hearing" the music of the gospel.

Judd made the Holy Ghost

Tim has a little violin on the front, cause he plays the violin.

The back of his book is weaved.  

Reuben's says "Journal, Journal" It also offers a 25 year warranty on pianos and organs in the bottom left.  He likes to be random.

Amy went to town with all kinds of fun papers and cutouts.

For Audrey was all about the stickers.

Emmeline didn't know when to be done. She still wants to add stickers. 

Clara's journal is not pictured because, well, somehow I missed taking her picture and she has hidden the journal.  It must be somewhere safe.  

After finishing our journals, there was only one reasonable thing left to be done- DESSERT!  

We greatly enjoyed homemade cookies and ice cream and finished the night off with family prayer. Everyone said it was a great Family Home Evening and the kids started using their journals this morning for family scripture study at 6:40 A.M.  Yes, 6:40 A.M.

Mini blog two: 

  We used to have scriptures at 7 A.M. last year. Reuben left at 5:40 T-Th for early morning seminary, so he missed out.  I never felt good about that.  At Education Week a speaker by the name of Merilee Boyack inspired me to basically put my feet where my mouth is. . . she said we should be moving HEAVEN and EARTH to have scripture study and twice daily family prayer with our families.  I felt in my heart that this was something we need in our family to strengthen us in the midst of a world that teaches many things that oppose what we believe.  I told my husband how I felt and he jumped in with two feet, supporting the idea completely to add evening prayer and to find a way to include all of our kids in scripture study.  The kids talked about it and decided it should be moved to 6:40 A.M.  I initially felt some resistance because I exercise from 6-7, but then I realized that NOTHING is more important than putting on the armor of God each morning, and I decided to shorten my exercise time.  I know it's the right thing to do.  It's only been a week and a half of these two changes, but already I feel an increased peace and love in my home.  It is such a small change really, but it's bringing my children closer to each other and to my husband and me.  I love the feeling of calm and quiet peace that we have at night as we kneel together on the floor of my little girls' room and unite together to speak to our Heavenly Father.  

Activity Days Tea Party

For almost 4 years I have been serving as Activity Days Leader in my ward. At the beginning of my service I held a mother daughter tea party.  It was such a great success I decided to do it again now that I have a completely new set of girls.  Most Activity Day leaders only have one age of girls, but I have all of the girls from 8-12 because we have a small number.  So, I can't repeat activities from year to year.  

This time around I decided to really get the most out of the tea party and I planned 3 months of activities that would lead up to the party, selecting activities that counted for Faith in God requirements while also helping us prepare for this special day.

If you are an Activity Day Leader, you might be interested in what we did.  And that's pretty much the only reason I'm sharing this- well, because my friend said I should. So, I hope it will be helpful to someone. And, if it is, let me know.  If you are not an Activity Day leader, you should just stop reading now.  I'm serious.  It's going to be very very boring for you.

Here's what we did and which requirements we were working on;

Activity 1:  Manners

Requirement: Learn about and practice good manners and courtesy.( Serving Others)
ALSO Learn to sing, play, or lead a song from the Children’s Songbook. Teach or share the song in a family home evening or at Primary. Discuss how developing talents helps prepare us for service to Heavenly Father and others. ( Developing Talents)

This was our first,"get ready for the tea party" activity.  We talked about different scenarios of good manners, both for eating and telephone etiquette. After talking, the girls acted out scenarios to practice their phone manners.  We ended by having a mini tea party with some snacks, where we practiced chewing with our mouths closed, saying " please" and "thank you", elbows off the table, and asking people by name to pass things rather than reaching across the table.

During this meeting I also introduced two short songs for the girls to learn and perform for their mother during the tea party.  They were:
My Blessings

file:///C:/Users/SLCardinal/Downloads/2012-10-132-my-blessings-eng.pdf

https://www.lds.org/music/library/search?query=My+Blessings&x=0&y=0&lang=eng

and

Sing Me a Song

file:///C:/Users/SLCardinal/Downloads/2012-10-154-sing-me-a-song-eng.pdf

https://www.lds.org/music/library/search?query=Sing+Me+a+Song&x=0&y=0&lang=eng

Both songs originally appeared in the friend magazine.

Each time we met, we spent a few minutes singing the songs for practice.  This fulfilled the requirement in Developing your Talents to plan and complete your own activity


Activity 2: Hairbows
Requirement: Make an item from wood, metal, fabric, or other material, or draw, paint, or sculpt a piece of art. Display your finished work for others to see.
(Developing your talents)

For this activity I taught the girls how to make simple, yet adorable, hairbows from felt.  Here's a link to a tutorial showing how to do this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYQwh5_VR1g

 This activity was extremely inexpensive, and I just donated my personal materials.  All you need is a few felt sheets, hot glue, clips, scissors.  They turned out so darling. The girls each made two, one for them and one for their mothers.

Activity 3: Invitations
Requirement: This activity didn't really meet a requirement, but could be used for service for a write in activity.

I provided cardstock, paper, stickers, and glue and let the girls each make an invitation for their mother. Since our theme was flowers, I also gave them some silk flowers that they could choose to glue on.

Activity 4: Decorations
Requirement: Developing your talents write in

For this activity the girls each received a small foam ball and had their choice of oodles of flowers to glue on them.  We then stuck a wooden dowel into the ball and put it in a pot.  They turned out so darling! This was the most expensive activity we did.
Here's a breakdown of the cost to make 12.
foam balls= $8 for 12 at walmart
wooden dowels-$2 for 12 at walmart
hot glue- $6 for 50 fat stick. We used a ton of hot glue.
flowers- $17 at the dollar store, plus about that much or more from my personal stash that I bought in grab bags at Walmart.
yellow paper stuff- $1 at the dollar store.
pots- $3 for 12 at the dollar store.  These plastic pots were not heavy enough and we had to add rocks. Terra cotta pots would be better, but Joann's was closed already by the time I went out to shop.
paint- donated mine
foam for pots- $2.47 at Walmart.  I used all of it.

This was a pricey project considering that I have a $10 a month budget. You could easily come up with a much less expensive centerpiece.  These ended up costing over $3 a piece and would have been closer to $5 if I hadn't donated flowers from my supply.

We used these to decorate the tea party, and at the end the girls got to take them home. We made enough for everyone whether they came to any particular activity or not.

Activity 5: Cake Balls
Requirement: This could be a write in for either developing your talents or service, since the cake balls were being made for the tea party for their moms.  

I do a lot of activities where I make up my own activity that fits with the category. I guess I mostly do this because we run our of activities to do over 4 years when we meet 24 times a year and there are only about 28 ideas total.  So, that only gives me something to do about 25% of the time when I feel like I can't repeat anything specific for 3 years.



Activity 6: Tea Party
Requirement: 

• • 
  Plan and hold a parent-child activity, such as a dinner, picnic, hike, day trip, or service project. (Serving Others)

You've probably noticed that none of these activities count for Learning and Living the Gospel.  We'll focus several activities on that this fall, as we did in the Spring.  

My daughter Audrey

My daugther Clara

I didn't make food assignments, but had a true potluck. We ended up with  a great variety.

Here's a picture of the girls singing for their moms.

The tea party was a wonderful culmination of 5 activities of preparation.  Out of 11 girls, we had 10 come to the tea party. This was fantastic!  I usually get 6 or 7 on a really good day, so I was very happy that so many girls came. There were 20 people in attendance and we fit very nicely at 3 rectangle church tables pushed together to make one long table.  The girls topiaries lines the center of the table, the flowers were clipped onto the napkins, and I hung tissue paper puff balls above the tables.  2 packs of multicolored tissue paper from the dollar store made 5 puff balls.  We had one more table set up for refreshments and each girl brought one or two items to share. 

For our beverage we were treated with "Mormon tea"  which was actually tap water.  I had planned on serving lemonade, but I completely forgot about a drink until 15 minutes before starting time.  Whoops!  

At the beginning the girls sang their two songs for the Moms and we had a short review of good manners. Everyone acted like a princess and had a great time eating and enjoying each other's company.  At the end, I talked to all of the moms about the schedule for the school years to make sure that my planned meeting time of Fridays at 3:30 would work for everyone. It was really nice to have them all together at once to get that settled.  

So, that's it.  

6 activities.

6 or 7 requirements accomplished.  

11 happy little girls.

Note about the cost:

As I mentioned earlier, the decorations for the table were pricey.  You could easily come up with a project that costs less.  I chose to buy plastic tablecloths, paper plates.  We could have used real plates and tablecloths. I'm turning in a receipt for the cookies and coconut we coated the cake balls in, but I donated the cake supplies and dipping chocolate.  I asked each girl to bring a dish to share. I donated the supplies for the invitations and the flower hairbows.  I wasn't trying to be crazy frugal, but I was trying to be careful, and I'm turning in receipts totaling almost $60, which is half my budget for the year.  But, since we spent 3 months on these activities and I usually come up with completely free activities, I'm doing fine on my budget. It's actually the only money I've spent all year.  If you want to do a tea party, and budget is an issue for you, consider asking girls to bring supplies for home if they have them.  Ask parents what they have that they could donate. Lots of people have extra craft supplies lying around that they bought and never ended up using- people like me who can't resist buying an 8 ounce jar of red glitter for $1.49.   

Great Teaching

Last summer I went to Education Week with my friend Janice. Yes, Janice, you made it into the blog again. That's what you get for hanging out with me so much!   I attended a series of classed called "Great Teaching." It was geared at Seminary teachers for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  Seminary is an optional class offered to youth from 9th-12th grade.  In Utah, and possibly other places with a high concentration of LDS members, it is taught by professionals. Otherwise it is taught by faithful members, willing to sacrifice sleep and time to teach the scriptures to the youth.  This class was taught by Scott Knecht who is a Regional Seminary Instructor with many years of experience.  I learned a lot from spending a few hours under his tutelage.

Because of my personality style( a 4 from Dressing Your Truth, a Red/Blue from colors, or a type A) I really want to share what I learned.  It changed my teaching in a way that is simple but profound.

I've  always enjoyed teaching and have some natural ability.  Or call it talent. Or maybe it's a combination of talent and a 4 year degree focused on becoming an educator.  Anyway, one of the most important things for any teacher to understand is that the teacher is always a student as well.  Learning doesn't end. There isn't a moment when you have arrived at the pinnacle of knowledge- you don't ever really graduate from learning.

So, I was really excited to learn how to be a better teacher.   By the way, I currently have a calling as a Relief Society teacher in my ward, which means that I teach the adult women who aren't serving in the auxiliaries for the Young Women( 12-18 year old girls), Primary (3-12 year old kids), or nursery  ( 18 months to 3 year old kids).  We usually have between 15 and 30 women in attendance.  I teach once every other month. In many wards, instructors teach once a month.  I like how my ward works.

Ok, so back to what I learned.

The instructor started out by telling us he wasn't going to use any technology that we wouldn't have easily available to us.  He used a chalkboard and the scriptures.  I was hooked from that moment.

Obviously I cannot use one blog entry to go into great detail about what Brother Knecht taught over several hours. I do need to add that I also attended a class on family scripture study. It was taught by two seminary teachers who helped develop the new curriculum. The teachings from both of these classes went hand in hand, but because Great Teaching focused on being the teacher, I'm going to write about that right now, but I really learned the same concepts in both classes.

In no particular order, following are the FOUR concepts that really stuck with me:

1. Teach from the inside out, not from the outside in.

Sometimes we are afraid to use the sources provided to us to teach a lesson.  I'm talking about the manual and the scriptures.  These contain the content that we are supposed to cover.  Sometimes, the first time I read a lesson, I have a moment where I think," How am I supposed to teach this?" The lessons contain one generic teaching tip at the end, but no other guidance. And I admit, I have often been guilty of using the technique of teaching from the outside in for most of my gospel teaching past (except for my last two lessons).
 Teaching from the outside in means bringing in outside sources or thoughts to make a point and then supporting them with the scriptures and the lesson manual.

 Example: - Reading a quote or story you found on facebook  or in an interesting book by a really inspiring individual about charity.  Then, sharing the scripture from the lesson about charity.  This is using a scripture to support the first quote. It's really easy to do.  I didn't understand the power that was lost by downplaying the primary sources we should be teaching from.  We do not need to be afraid to teach from the materials given.  We do not even need to bring in outside sources. It's ok to have some supporting information, but only if the supporting stories and quotes are used to support the scriptures/lesson and not the reverse.

Teaching from the inside out means to share the lesson material, one small part at a time, and then support it with discussion, stories, and testimonies. I was initially afraid to use this method, thinking the class would just stare at me.  But, it worked. It is more complicated then simply reading the lesson out loud and asking the questions in the back. If you do this, it will be a boring lesson.  FACT. So, you need to do a few more things. Keep reading. I promise this will be worth your time if you try these ideas.

2. Do not ask for answers.  Give the answers right up front. Ask for responses. Try to ask questions that open up the conversation rather than shut it down.

Ask questions that are thoughtful, not devil's advocate thoughtful, but truly thought provoking.  Ask questions that allow people to gain a deeper understanding of gospel principles being taught and to share their testimonies of these principles.  Asking for answers looks like this:

Where should you aim for getting married?  (temple)

How old do you have to be to go on a mission?  (18,19)

When was Joseph Smith born? (1805)

Asking questions that have a definite answer sets people up for failure. It makes the class uncomfortable.  It is the job of the teacher to GIVE THE ANSWERS before asking questions.  And remember that people need time to process questions.  It's great to go ahead and put your questions up on the board at the beginning of the class. Give the class time to think about it.  The longer, the better.
Here's an example of questions that invite responses:

Ex:  We all want to get married in the temple so we can be sealed with our families forever. Does anyone have an experience you would like to share about preparing for your own temple marriage?  How does having a temple marriage strengthen you personally compared to a civil marriage?  How have you taught your children the importance of a temple marriage?  What do you do in your own home?

Take time before the lesson to think of great questions. Ponder and pray to make sure you have picked the right ones.  You only need a few great questions for a 30-45 minute class. Great questions invite conversation and testimony. This leads up to the next point.

3. The teacher is not really the teacher.  The teacher is the architect of the lesson.  The true teacher of the Gospel is the Holy Ghost.

The goal of every lesson needs to be to invite the Holy Ghost so the class members can feel the Spirit and be edified.  How do you invite the HG into the lesson?

-Every lesson is about the Savior, even if you think it isn't. Remember that.
-Teach the doctrine.  Keep it simple. Don't try to embellish the lesson, rather try to explore it as a class.
-Follow these four steps. 1. present the doctrine. 2. strive to understand what it means. This can be accomplished by cross referencing, pondering, discussion, quotes from conference or prophets. .  .whatever it takes to truly understand what is being taught. 3. tell/invite others to tell stories that support the doctrine. 4. Bear testimony (yours or a class member)

4.   Help the class members feel comfortable, safe, and valued.

-I talked a little bit about this before with the types of questions you ask. Ask questions that invite discussion and personal sharing rather than questions that set people up to be right or wrong.  This can be a hard change to make, but if you think about it, when somebody answers the question "What should you do when you need guidance?"with "Read your scriptures."  we don't feel the spirit.  It's boring.  Everyone already knows the "answer."
But, if the teacher said," (Reads a scripture)We are taught in the scriptures that when we need guidance we can turn to the scriptures for answers.  Would anyone like to share a story from your life of when you needed guidance and you turned to the scriptures and got an answer?"

Those stories will be personal testimonies of the principle "If you need guidance, you can find answers in the scriptures" and the Holy Ghost will testify to all who are willing to feel it that it is true.

-Some people do not like to talk in class.  Changing the questions you ask and how you ask them might not be enough for them to want to talk.  One way to help them participate is to occasionally invite class members to share with their neighbor or a small group.  Never cold call on a person who is not comfortable talking.  You could ask them earlier in the week so they can be prepared and also have a chance to say yes or no privately.  Some people do want to talk, but feel shy.  Pay attention to the class members. Watch for body language indicating that someone really wants to share.  Someone playing with their hair or ear or looking intently at you might be a sign that they are thinking about something they want to share. You can carefully invite these students to share. Look at the person and say something like" Do you have a comment to share?"  Or just point at them with a question in your eyes?  If the response is a no, accept that without any further prodding.

-Most importantly, make sure the class members feel like they are important.  When I taught last Sunday I put a quote up on the board. It was something Brother Knecht said "Great teaching is a great conversation with students that leads to great learning."  Without the students, there is no lesson.  You are not teaching "your" lesson. You are teaching the gospel to people.  I told my class that there was one of me and 30 of them, so they had 30 times the responsibility to make sure the class was great.  And it was great because a lot of people shared their ideas and testimonies. As a teacher, make conscious choices to let your students know that you value their thoughts.  Go beyond a simple "thank you" at times. Maintain eye contact.  Do not look at your lesson or the clock while someone is sharing.  Validate their comments by summarizing what they said. If someone says something you loved, tell them. If you felt the spirit very strongly, say so. If you are going to use an idea yourself, admit it.  If you never thought of something that way, share that.  One great idea Brother Knecht uses sparingly is when someone makes a comment that just really is what the lesson is all about and brings the Spirit so strongly, that touches everyone, he will say,"I think you were here to make that comment today in this class."  Whatever you say, be genuine. However you say it, if it is heartfelt, the class members will really know that you value them as equal participants in the lesson.


So, that's it. 4 things.

1.Teach from the inside out, not from the outside in.

2.Do not ask for answers. Ask for responses.  Ask great questions that open up the conversation rather than close it down.

3.Make sure to invite the true teacher to the lesson- the Holy Ghost.

4.Help the class members feel safe, comfortable, and valued.

That's all.

 I didn't have oodles of time to prepare for my last two lessons, but I used my time to study the lesson, to think of good questions, and to make sure I was presenting the material from the inside out.
 Based on the responses I got and also on the feelings I felt, I know that by using these techniques we were able to invite the Holy Ghost to teach us the things we needed to learn.  Participation was high and the feeling in the room was of acceptance, love, and sisterhood.  The ideas are simple, but they really work.  They don't require anything fancy, although it's fine to have videos, music, handouts, visuals, cookies. . . you get the picture.  These are all good, but they aren't necessary. They aren't vital.  The Spirit is vital. The Gospel is vital. Conversation is vital. And safety is vital.