Come, Follow Me, Even if It Kills You

This is a talk I gave in a ward in my stake last week.


Today I am going to share my experiences implementing the concept of home-centered, Church supported gospel study and church with my family and for myself.

I would like to start by talking about resistance to change. Many times in life we are presented with an opportunity to change for the better. We are given instructions for how to do this. Often the instructions are step-by-step and easy in theory. And then we don’t follow them. And the positive change opportunity passes us by. We’ve probably all experienced this in our lives. When I was 14, I moved to Moscow, Russia. Shortly before going, I received my patriarchal blessing. In it, I was promised that I would learn quickly in the language of the area that I was going to and that I would have a great influence over the people there. I did have the capacity to learn quickly, but I did not have as great of an influence over those people as I should have had because I let a few things get in my way- fear, pride, and a resistance to changing myself. I was prideful and afraid of sounding stupid. Russian is a very difficult language. "The Russian language has six cases to show what function a noun has in a sentence: nominative, genitive, dative, accusative, instrumental, and prepositional. The endings of Russian words change depending on the case they are in.”www.thoughtco.com › Languages › Russian

I learned a lot of Russian, but I spoke very little. I was resistant to the change that was necessary in me to speak a foreign language well. Russian nouns have gender assigned to them and the ends of words would change depending on if you were speaking in present tense, past tense, future tense, and others tenses I can’t remember. The idea of a noun having gender was, well, foreign to me. You had to memorize the gender of everything and change the ends of the words accordingly in certain circumstances. Even though I took two years of Russian in college, with the passage of 20+ years, my brain has blocked most of my understanding of how this all worked. I'm not even sure if I remember it correctly. Suffice it to say, it was really hard. And I allowed my pride and my fear to hold me back from changing and becoming fluent. I did study and I did learn, but I mostly kept my mouth shut or spoke in English. I actually ended up helping a Russian boy become fluent in English because I rarely spoke to him in Russian. My prideful reaction to a hard change, and the lost blessings, are something that I will always regret.

Change is hard, especially change that places most of the responsibility on us. We have had many changes in church policies in the last few years. When I heard we were going to change to two hour church, I was thrilled. When the church announced “Come Follow, Me” for our personal and family study, I was all on board. It’s a fantastic change. As I started to live it, I quickly realized something- if I didn’t study the “Come, Follow Me” for the week, I might leave church feeling like I hadn’t had enough “church”. My spiritual reservoir wasn’t full. I think the biggest change that I have felt over the last 14 months, as I have studied Come, Follow Me by myself and with my family is that I truly feel the switch to a home-centered, church-supported gospel. I feel the responsibility that if I don’t study on my own and I don’t teach my children and teach them to study on their own, going to church will never be enough to protect us from the influence of the adversary in our daily lives. The bar is raised. Like oil in the lamps of the virgins, it must be filled drop by drop, day by day. And when I do that, I feel so much peace. I feel the Savior’s influence in my life every day. I feel protected. I feel the spiritual gift of discernment is activated and available to me at all times. And I feel a sense of togetherness with everyone else who is studying the same thing every week. While waiting in the temple, I often notice other patrons reading in the scriptures from the assigned reading for that week. I chat with friends and family about what we’re reading. Losing an hour of church has somehow made me feel MORE connected to my family and ward members than I felt before, but only if I do my part and study.

I don’t want to give a false impression of fake perfection at my household. The honest truth is that most of the time at least one of my kids chooses to misbehave during gospel study time in such a way that it’s basically ruined for everyone else. But, we keep doing it. I haven’t been keeping a perfect statistical chart, but I’d guess that roughly 5-20% of the time, we have a moment, or even a few minutes, if we are lucky, where everyone is listening and the Holy Ghost is present, we all feel it, and a little magic happens. I envy the families with better behavior percentages than mine, but at our house, a great study session might happen one to four times a month and the other 24-30 times, if we don’t miss any days, feel more like the impromptu wrestling matches in my college dorm during freshman year.

I would like to describe our most recent Come, Follow Me based scripture study session. Yesterday was a busy day and we ended up having our study at 9 p.m. in the car on the way home from my sister’s house in Orem. The car can be a great place to have scripture study if you have kids who struggle with staying put. We often have decent discussions in the car on a Saturday or Sunday, but last night was more average for us. To protect the innocent and the guilty, I will refer to my daughters by numbers. I told the girls we were going to read 8 verses, which is all of 2nd Nephi 11, and handed my phone to #1. She read a verse. I had to stop her because #3 and #4 had turned off the sound on their kindle, but were still playing it. “We didn’t know you wanted us to stop playing”. #1 said to #3, please get your feet off my head. Then she read her verse. #2 read her verse and passed the phone back to #3, who actually was doing a great job reading, but in the middle of her turn my husband randomly made a comment about the lighting changes he would like to see on the new structure in front of the aquarium. Luckily, everyone ignored him. Usually #3 mumbles whatever she reads, so I didn’t want anything to mess this up. #4 had actually been invited to read verse 4 but threw a fit because she said it was too long. As #3 was reading it I was thinking, “Wow, that is really long!” Eventually, when #4 started to wail and complain, we all realized that verse 4 was not that long and that #3 had read 4 verses. She does that sometimes. She knows it upsets #4 who has very strong opinions about which verse and how many verses she gets to read. So, I made them hand me back the phone. #4 cried some more. She does that a lot. I had #1 re-read verse 2. #2 re-read 3. I took the phone for verse 4 and started reading and it made no sense at all. That’s when we realized we were reading in the wrong chapter. The phone had swiped to the next chapter as it was passed up to me. That often happens when #3 gets her hands on the ipad or phone we are using for scriptures. She says it’s an accident. She also told us last week that she has no idea who the Lamanites are. We’ve been studying the Book of Mormon fairly regularly as a family for her entire life. Anyway, back to our scripture study. When I realized we were on the wrong chapter, I switched back and we started over on verse 2. Eventually everyone got to read and we got to have a discussion. Most of the girls didn’t want to talk. #2 had some good questions and thoughts and we had 5 minutes of relative peace and good conversation. So, I’m going to count that one as a good one, because we eventually got to a place where a gospel principle was pondered. You might think I’m exaggerating how our scripture study went, but the truth is that it was much crazier than I described. Those were just highlights of a very typical experience in our household.

I can make light of my kid’s behavior and it’s pretty funny when you aren’t in the middle of it, but, in all seriousness, we are in a battle for our souls and for the souls of our children. Most of us are not being asked to don protective military gear and to go out and engage a mortal enemy. We are being asked to put on the whole armor of God and to battle evil.

I was talking to a couple of friends about this talk last week and they both expressed feelings of inadequacy with their efforts to implement Come, Follow Me to this point. One friend said her family isn’t doing it at all and that she feels so awful because she knows her family needs the protection that comes from gospel study. Some of you might have similar feelings. Some of you might be fully implementing Come, Follow Me into your lives and can share ideas and support for those who are still struggling. For those who are struggling, first I want to tell you that I know it’s hard and that it’s never too late to start. Creating a home centered gospel isn’t quite like my missed window of opportunity when I lived in Russia. I did influence the people there, but not as much as I should have, and the time passed. I can’t go back and change it. I’ve let it go and moved on. None of us can go back and change what we have or haven’t done, but we all have today and every tomorrow. It’s never too late to start personal or family study. Start today. It took me 9 months to develop the habit of personally studying Come, Follow Me regularly and to find a way that works for me. What helped me was to treat my study time with equal importance as my work. It is scheduled on my calendar. If I need to change it, I need to reschedule it, or it can’t be changed. Our family scripture time is similarly scheduled, and you do not want to know what time my family gets up to have scripture study during the school week.

It is hard, but we do it. And every now and then, a few times a month, we harvest the fruit of our labor. At the beginning of this year, on one of those scarce but wonderful days, my 9 year old listened intently to the lesson and the plea I made to study and read the entire Book of Mormon this year. She asked me to help her. Nearly every day since then she has come to my room and we read together. “By small and simple things, great things are brought to pass.” This small habit, started at 9 years old, has set her life on a course that leads to eternal life. She is putting on the armor of God each day. She is nurturing a habit that will protect her, that will give her the ability to understand the scriptures, to recognize the Holy Ghost, to hear the words of scriptures come to her mind when she needs them because she has planted them in her heart. 

 

When I was a kid there was a really popular saying attributed to Jesus. “I never said it would be easy. I only said it would be worth it.” Jesus never said that, but if he had, I think he might have been talking about family scripture study. If you haven’t done it already, develop the habit of personal and family scripture study. It is hard. And it is worth it. The bar is raised and rising up to meet it has brought me increased peace in my life. I feel protected. I feel closer to the Savior. And my least favorite church class, Sunday School, has become my favorite. It’s funny, but the problem was me all along.


When we have morning scripture study, and the kids listen, even a little bit, I feel like they leave our house with the full armor of God to protect them. They are armed with the sword of truth and protected with the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation, girdled with truth, their feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, their shields of faith stand ready to deflect the fiery darts of the adversary. I bear testimony that even though it can be very hard, there is power and protection in putting on the whole armor of God every day, in making our homes the center of our gospel study so that we and our children will be prepared and protected.

Family Home Evening/Scripture Journals

   

I believe in Family Home Evening and daily scripture study.  Even though my kids can sometimes behave like wildabeasts, I still have a strong testimony of the importance of both studying the scriptures as a family and spending time one evening a week learning the gospel and enjoying being together.
     Traditionally, FHE is held on a Monday evening.  We set aside this time and make every effort to keep it open.  It is sacred to our family. When something comes up on a Monday that is unavoidable, like a graded band concert, the whole family attends.
     As important as I feel FHE is, it can be a challenge with 6 kids who might be thinking more about dessert than anything else.  So, I'm always open to ways to improve this time. While at education week, I heard an idea from a religion professor and decided to do it with my family.

So. . . last night for our FHE activity we made FHE/Scripture journals. The concept is very simple.  I purchased nice notebooks, the kind that normally cost $1-$2, but go on sale for 50 cents this time of year. The kids get to have them during the FHE lesson and our daily morning scripture study.  They may draw pictures and take notes as desired to help them absorb what is being taught or discussed.  As soon as I heard the idea, I knew it would help at least two of my kids be less likely to do gymnastics off the couch during lessons.

Last night I introduced the idea and shared some statistics from the class where I heard about the journals.  In a nutshell, this professor has scientifically researched and discovered that taking notes increases the spiritual take away by about 8 percent.  Other things that help people feel the Spirit are pre-reading and participating orally at least 4 times.  Anyway, back to the journals.

I gave everyone a notebook and then offered up my complete stock of cardstock and stickers.  These babies date back to 1997 and I figured it was time to actually use some of them.  Everyone cut and glued for the next hour and a half until each member of my family was satisfied with his or her journal.  And here they are. . .

My book is influenced a conference talk about "hearing" the music of the gospel.

Judd made the Holy Ghost

Tim has a little violin on the front, cause he plays the violin.

The back of his book is weaved.  

Reuben's says "Journal, Journal" It also offers a 25 year warranty on pianos and organs in the bottom left.  He likes to be random.

Amy went to town with all kinds of fun papers and cutouts.

For Audrey was all about the stickers.

Emmeline didn't know when to be done. She still wants to add stickers. 

Clara's journal is not pictured because, well, somehow I missed taking her picture and she has hidden the journal.  It must be somewhere safe.  

After finishing our journals, there was only one reasonable thing left to be done- DESSERT!  

We greatly enjoyed homemade cookies and ice cream and finished the night off with family prayer. Everyone said it was a great Family Home Evening and the kids started using their journals this morning for family scripture study at 6:40 A.M.  Yes, 6:40 A.M.

Mini blog two: 

  We used to have scriptures at 7 A.M. last year. Reuben left at 5:40 T-Th for early morning seminary, so he missed out.  I never felt good about that.  At Education Week a speaker by the name of Merilee Boyack inspired me to basically put my feet where my mouth is. . . she said we should be moving HEAVEN and EARTH to have scripture study and twice daily family prayer with our families.  I felt in my heart that this was something we need in our family to strengthen us in the midst of a world that teaches many things that oppose what we believe.  I told my husband how I felt and he jumped in with two feet, supporting the idea completely to add evening prayer and to find a way to include all of our kids in scripture study.  The kids talked about it and decided it should be moved to 6:40 A.M.  I initially felt some resistance because I exercise from 6-7, but then I realized that NOTHING is more important than putting on the armor of God each morning, and I decided to shorten my exercise time.  I know it's the right thing to do.  It's only been a week and a half of these two changes, but already I feel an increased peace and love in my home.  It is such a small change really, but it's bringing my children closer to each other and to my husband and me.  I love the feeling of calm and quiet peace that we have at night as we kneel together on the floor of my little girls' room and unite together to speak to our Heavenly Father.  

Great Teaching

Last summer I went to Education Week with my friend Janice. Yes, Janice, you made it into the blog again. That's what you get for hanging out with me so much!   I attended a series of classed called "Great Teaching." It was geared at Seminary teachers for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  Seminary is an optional class offered to youth from 9th-12th grade.  In Utah, and possibly other places with a high concentration of LDS members, it is taught by professionals. Otherwise it is taught by faithful members, willing to sacrifice sleep and time to teach the scriptures to the youth.  This class was taught by Scott Knecht who is a Regional Seminary Instructor with many years of experience.  I learned a lot from spending a few hours under his tutelage.

Because of my personality style( a 4 from Dressing Your Truth, a Red/Blue from colors, or a type A) I really want to share what I learned.  It changed my teaching in a way that is simple but profound.

I've  always enjoyed teaching and have some natural ability.  Or call it talent. Or maybe it's a combination of talent and a 4 year degree focused on becoming an educator.  Anyway, one of the most important things for any teacher to understand is that the teacher is always a student as well.  Learning doesn't end. There isn't a moment when you have arrived at the pinnacle of knowledge- you don't ever really graduate from learning.

So, I was really excited to learn how to be a better teacher.   By the way, I currently have a calling as a Relief Society teacher in my ward, which means that I teach the adult women who aren't serving in the auxiliaries for the Young Women( 12-18 year old girls), Primary (3-12 year old kids), or nursery  ( 18 months to 3 year old kids).  We usually have between 15 and 30 women in attendance.  I teach once every other month. In many wards, instructors teach once a month.  I like how my ward works.

Ok, so back to what I learned.

The instructor started out by telling us he wasn't going to use any technology that we wouldn't have easily available to us.  He used a chalkboard and the scriptures.  I was hooked from that moment.

Obviously I cannot use one blog entry to go into great detail about what Brother Knecht taught over several hours. I do need to add that I also attended a class on family scripture study. It was taught by two seminary teachers who helped develop the new curriculum. The teachings from both of these classes went hand in hand, but because Great Teaching focused on being the teacher, I'm going to write about that right now, but I really learned the same concepts in both classes.

In no particular order, following are the FOUR concepts that really stuck with me:

1. Teach from the inside out, not from the outside in.

Sometimes we are afraid to use the sources provided to us to teach a lesson.  I'm talking about the manual and the scriptures.  These contain the content that we are supposed to cover.  Sometimes, the first time I read a lesson, I have a moment where I think," How am I supposed to teach this?" The lessons contain one generic teaching tip at the end, but no other guidance. And I admit, I have often been guilty of using the technique of teaching from the outside in for most of my gospel teaching past (except for my last two lessons).
 Teaching from the outside in means bringing in outside sources or thoughts to make a point and then supporting them with the scriptures and the lesson manual.

 Example: - Reading a quote or story you found on facebook  or in an interesting book by a really inspiring individual about charity.  Then, sharing the scripture from the lesson about charity.  This is using a scripture to support the first quote. It's really easy to do.  I didn't understand the power that was lost by downplaying the primary sources we should be teaching from.  We do not need to be afraid to teach from the materials given.  We do not even need to bring in outside sources. It's ok to have some supporting information, but only if the supporting stories and quotes are used to support the scriptures/lesson and not the reverse.

Teaching from the inside out means to share the lesson material, one small part at a time, and then support it with discussion, stories, and testimonies. I was initially afraid to use this method, thinking the class would just stare at me.  But, it worked. It is more complicated then simply reading the lesson out loud and asking the questions in the back. If you do this, it will be a boring lesson.  FACT. So, you need to do a few more things. Keep reading. I promise this will be worth your time if you try these ideas.

2. Do not ask for answers.  Give the answers right up front. Ask for responses. Try to ask questions that open up the conversation rather than shut it down.

Ask questions that are thoughtful, not devil's advocate thoughtful, but truly thought provoking.  Ask questions that allow people to gain a deeper understanding of gospel principles being taught and to share their testimonies of these principles.  Asking for answers looks like this:

Where should you aim for getting married?  (temple)

How old do you have to be to go on a mission?  (18,19)

When was Joseph Smith born? (1805)

Asking questions that have a definite answer sets people up for failure. It makes the class uncomfortable.  It is the job of the teacher to GIVE THE ANSWERS before asking questions.  And remember that people need time to process questions.  It's great to go ahead and put your questions up on the board at the beginning of the class. Give the class time to think about it.  The longer, the better.
Here's an example of questions that invite responses:

Ex:  We all want to get married in the temple so we can be sealed with our families forever. Does anyone have an experience you would like to share about preparing for your own temple marriage?  How does having a temple marriage strengthen you personally compared to a civil marriage?  How have you taught your children the importance of a temple marriage?  What do you do in your own home?

Take time before the lesson to think of great questions. Ponder and pray to make sure you have picked the right ones.  You only need a few great questions for a 30-45 minute class. Great questions invite conversation and testimony. This leads up to the next point.

3. The teacher is not really the teacher.  The teacher is the architect of the lesson.  The true teacher of the Gospel is the Holy Ghost.

The goal of every lesson needs to be to invite the Holy Ghost so the class members can feel the Spirit and be edified.  How do you invite the HG into the lesson?

-Every lesson is about the Savior, even if you think it isn't. Remember that.
-Teach the doctrine.  Keep it simple. Don't try to embellish the lesson, rather try to explore it as a class.
-Follow these four steps. 1. present the doctrine. 2. strive to understand what it means. This can be accomplished by cross referencing, pondering, discussion, quotes from conference or prophets. .  .whatever it takes to truly understand what is being taught. 3. tell/invite others to tell stories that support the doctrine. 4. Bear testimony (yours or a class member)

4.   Help the class members feel comfortable, safe, and valued.

-I talked a little bit about this before with the types of questions you ask. Ask questions that invite discussion and personal sharing rather than questions that set people up to be right or wrong.  This can be a hard change to make, but if you think about it, when somebody answers the question "What should you do when you need guidance?"with "Read your scriptures."  we don't feel the spirit.  It's boring.  Everyone already knows the "answer."
But, if the teacher said," (Reads a scripture)We are taught in the scriptures that when we need guidance we can turn to the scriptures for answers.  Would anyone like to share a story from your life of when you needed guidance and you turned to the scriptures and got an answer?"

Those stories will be personal testimonies of the principle "If you need guidance, you can find answers in the scriptures" and the Holy Ghost will testify to all who are willing to feel it that it is true.

-Some people do not like to talk in class.  Changing the questions you ask and how you ask them might not be enough for them to want to talk.  One way to help them participate is to occasionally invite class members to share with their neighbor or a small group.  Never cold call on a person who is not comfortable talking.  You could ask them earlier in the week so they can be prepared and also have a chance to say yes or no privately.  Some people do want to talk, but feel shy.  Pay attention to the class members. Watch for body language indicating that someone really wants to share.  Someone playing with their hair or ear or looking intently at you might be a sign that they are thinking about something they want to share. You can carefully invite these students to share. Look at the person and say something like" Do you have a comment to share?"  Or just point at them with a question in your eyes?  If the response is a no, accept that without any further prodding.

-Most importantly, make sure the class members feel like they are important.  When I taught last Sunday I put a quote up on the board. It was something Brother Knecht said "Great teaching is a great conversation with students that leads to great learning."  Without the students, there is no lesson.  You are not teaching "your" lesson. You are teaching the gospel to people.  I told my class that there was one of me and 30 of them, so they had 30 times the responsibility to make sure the class was great.  And it was great because a lot of people shared their ideas and testimonies. As a teacher, make conscious choices to let your students know that you value their thoughts.  Go beyond a simple "thank you" at times. Maintain eye contact.  Do not look at your lesson or the clock while someone is sharing.  Validate their comments by summarizing what they said. If someone says something you loved, tell them. If you felt the spirit very strongly, say so. If you are going to use an idea yourself, admit it.  If you never thought of something that way, share that.  One great idea Brother Knecht uses sparingly is when someone makes a comment that just really is what the lesson is all about and brings the Spirit so strongly, that touches everyone, he will say,"I think you were here to make that comment today in this class."  Whatever you say, be genuine. However you say it, if it is heartfelt, the class members will really know that you value them as equal participants in the lesson.


So, that's it. 4 things.

1.Teach from the inside out, not from the outside in.

2.Do not ask for answers. Ask for responses.  Ask great questions that open up the conversation rather than close it down.

3.Make sure to invite the true teacher to the lesson- the Holy Ghost.

4.Help the class members feel safe, comfortable, and valued.

That's all.

 I didn't have oodles of time to prepare for my last two lessons, but I used my time to study the lesson, to think of good questions, and to make sure I was presenting the material from the inside out.
 Based on the responses I got and also on the feelings I felt, I know that by using these techniques we were able to invite the Holy Ghost to teach us the things we needed to learn.  Participation was high and the feeling in the room was of acceptance, love, and sisterhood.  The ideas are simple, but they really work.  They don't require anything fancy, although it's fine to have videos, music, handouts, visuals, cookies. . . you get the picture.  These are all good, but they aren't necessary. They aren't vital.  The Spirit is vital. The Gospel is vital. Conversation is vital. And safety is vital.